Too Much

I haven't been on mibba in the longest time because so much has been happening.

1) I'm in my senior year. All the academic pressure is hard enough but they decide to add the time constraint and college applications.

2) My granduncle passed away last June 21. It was a Father's Day when they found him face down on the floor, not breathing anymore. He promised me that he would help me apply for college. Now, I dunno what's gonna happen.

3) My friend STILL isn't talking to me. It's been five months and I'm still not over the fact that she can live life without me. I still end up crying whenever I see her being happy and unaffected by whatever is going on.

4) Ballet. I love dancing, really but the practices are clashing with my study time and I have to learn four more dances by October if I want to get it perfect by December.

5) Family. Now, I'm back to being invisible in my mother's eyes. She told me straight up about it. "Cat, stop talking because I'm not listening." Straight and flat out rejection. I cried after that.

6) Habits. I try so hard to stop but other times, no one stops me. I try every single day and most of the times I can go through the day without it but now, it just gets too much. I cut once on a while just to feel better. I'm not proud of my behavior. I don't even like admitting that I cut but I have to let it out somewhere.

7) Health. I've been getting sick VERY FREQUENTLY. I can't even go through a single day without an attempt to throw up. Even though nothing comes out, I can't help it. I've been feverish and nauseated too.

8) I'm technically grounded. I dunno if I really am grounded but my mom keeps on stopping me from leaving the house. The only places I CAN go to are house, school and ballet. I can't even go to the mal during weekdays to buy stuff for school.

So I'm still trying tosort out my life before I come back here for all the updates I need to make.

I have glasses now...and a beanie...and my hair is straight(ish) again... so in a way, I'm just trying to look like Mikey. XD