...Or so I believe. I am so freaked out right now. I was looking at the article about Schizoaffective Disorder, and I harbor many of the symptoms. So I started to research other disorders I believe I have. Here is the list of them, including symptoms and the explanation of why I believe I have these symptoms.
1. Hypochondria:
Overwhelming fear of illness.
I am deathly afraid of becoming sick. It cause me to have anxiety attacks. Every time I eat out, I become afraid of getting food poisoning and spend 10 minutes trying to calm myself down.
Misinterpretation of minor physical symptoms.
Every time I have a muscle ache, I believe I have the flu. At one point, I wouldn't sh*t because I thought it would lead to vomiting.
Distration from daily activities due to health worries.
When I heard about the Swine Flu, I wouldn't touch anyone. I freaked out when anyone sneezed and then ran to the bathroom to wash my hands.
Fear of impending death, making preparations for death.
I'm not exactly sure if this one only applies to thinking about one's self dying, but I am constantly worried that someone close to me might die...
High levels of anxiety.
If I am worried about something, I cannot control myself.
2. Cyberchondria (Cyberchondria (or cyberchondriasis) describes the behavior of hypochondriacs who use the Internet to gather information on health or healthcare.):
That, my friends, is exactly what I just did and is the cause of this journal being written.
3. Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD):
Being preoccupied with minor or imaginary physical flaws, usually of the skin, hair, and nose, such as acne, scarring, facial lines, marks, pale skin, thinning hair, excessive body hair, large nose, or crooked nose.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I will shave hair or pluck hair on my body. I am so disgusted with it sometimes. I often fantasize about getting it all lasered off.
Also, even though I know I don't have that much acne on my face, I have it on other parts of my body and will sit in the bathroom for hours at a time, picking at it.
I also am concerned with how pale I am and purposely sit in the sun and sunburn myself to become more tan.
Having a lot of anxiety and stress about the perceived flaw and spending a lot of time focusing on it, such as frequently picking at skin, excessively checking appearance in a mirror, hiding the imperfection, comparing appearance with others, excessively grooming, seeking reassurance from others about how they look, and getting cosmetic surgery.
I often fantasize about having cosmetic surgery to reduce my weight. The other day I spent 45 minutes staring into the mirror at myself. I find myself experiencing anxiety over it more an more.
4.Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD):
Restlessness or a feeling of being "keyed up" or "on edge".
I find that I am experiencing symptoms of insomnia caused by anxiety concerning various things.
Being easily fatigued.
I don't know if it's because of my weight or anxiety, but I believe anxiety brings it on more.
Difficulty concentrating or a sense of your mind going blank.
I find that occurring more and more lately, especially since I like a boy now.
Irritability.
I get extremely irritated when I am asked to do things or am opposed to things. I am now seeing that I am getting irritated by things that I hadn't been irritated by before.
Difficulty sleeping.
I am starting to wake up earlier and earlier.
Other physical symptoms associated with generalized anxiety disorder include:
Trembling, twitching, muscle soreness.
My legs and back are starting to hurt constantly, which brings on a case of anxiety and hypochondria concerning having the flu.
Headaches, sweating or chills, nausea, dizziness.
I experience headaches whenever I am anxious which is occurring more now that school is starting.
Shortness of breath.
Some of these symptoms I believed were because of my high blood pressure. I then found out that my blood pressure is at a very normal level. Most of these occur when I am highly stressed and anxious [obviously] and they are starting to affect my life [due to the fear of becoming ill].
5.Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
Fear of contamination or dirt.
I am deathly afraid of being ill and do everything to prevent it. [See Hypochondria.]
Aggressive or horrific impulses.
At some points I have extreme impulses to hit people or hurt them, touch something, scratch a place that does not itch, or say something totally irrelevant to the situation or conversation.
S*xual images or thoughts.
Yeah... this one is quite embarrassing. I'll just list some of the people I've s*xual thoughts about before.. [And yes, I am aware that's disgusting, very aware, believe me.]
Teachers
Siblings
Cousins
Parents
Friends
Animals
OCD symptoms involving obsessions may include:
Doubts that you've locked the door or turned off the stove etc.
I have checked 8 times that I've locked my locker before or locked the door or shut the car door and I frequently have thoughts doubting I have locked my locker or closed the door, etc.
Intense distress when objects aren't orderly or facing the right way.
This also causes me to experience the extreme impulse to touch the objects or correct them.
Impulses to shout obscenities in inappropriate situations.
I haven't done it, but I think about it.
Avoidance of situations that can trigger obsessions, such as shaking hands, etc.
Sometimes I will not go into people's rooms or houses for fear of disorderly things.
Replaying p*rnographic images in your mind.
*Looks Away Awkwardly*
6.Schizoaffective Disorder:
I believe I harbor many of the symptoms of this disorder if not all of them. There is a link to the article at the top of the page that explains this disorder. Here it is again:
Schizoaffective Disorder
I am very concerned that I have these disorders, but I am afraid to tell my parents because I'm afraid they'll think I'm making it up. Plus, my mom says she doesn't want me on medication because she thinks it will *** up my mind.
HELP?
[P.S. Some of these words are bleeped because of parental controls I have on my computer.]
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