Why did I have to let her go?

I made a very stupid mistake a very long time ago. And it has come back to slap me across the face.

I miss you. I miss you smile, your hair, your eyes, your presence. Why did I say those things?
I was wrong, and I am grateful that you have accepted my apologies over time. I am lucky to even talk to you for I am not worthy in your eyes anymore.

I love you still. But there is nothing I can do.

I see new pictures, and I want to die just knowing I cannot claim you as mine.

I regret every word from that horrifying day. I didn't mean a single syllable. I did it in hopes to rid of my own problems.

I was afraid that I would ruin it for us. And what did I do? I ruined our relationship to not destroy it. I am a fuck up.

I fucking love you.

Why did I say those things?!

You are probably taken now. And there is nothing I can do or say to have you back here with me. It was difficult before, now it is worse than I have ever imagined.

I knew our relationship was strained. I mean well...two different states, and we went strong? I am surprised you even accepted.

I have two words to say, then I will repeat myself once again.

I'm sorry,

I love you.

What can I do to make this pain stop?