My Missguided Attempt At Love

Torn, I walked upstairs. I bawled the whole way. He had used me and then left me so abruptly.
He tore my heart in pieces. Why he torchured me every second of my existance, I had no clue. All I knew, was that I never wanted to see him again. I should have listened when my mom told me not to go online. But, no. I had to defy her parental authority.
Though now, as I sit here, attempting to control my boisterous emotions, I find myself begging for his forgiveness. I also find myself wondering if he really ment nothing to me, then why was I trying so hard to get him to become a part of my life again.
Obviously, he didn't want anything to do with me. But I was desperate to chang his mind. I thought I loved him. Apperently it was just the lust I felt so badly for him. But, never-the-less, I wanted him and I wanted him badly.
He was the reason I stayed up crying most nights. But, he was also the reason I was now considered a "delinquent". I stole for him. I lied for him. How did I end up being the bad person in his eyes? He didn't need to fake me out and make me feel like he loved me too. I would have done it for him anyways. He was my friend. At least that was what I thought. But, I will never be so missguided and stupid again though.
You may think that the entire time throught this I was contradicting myself, but this is how i feel and if you don't like it, then just don't read it.