My Suicide Note

Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Toni, being the 3rd coming of Christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You're welcome.

For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won't have to endure any locust, floods, toads or ATF non-incendiary devices. Ingrate pricks.

So, start erecting statues, knocking out opponents, singing songs, scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, hiding colored eggs every year around the 6th of April, and doing other shit for my glory because you fuckers owe me big.

Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Toni

**UPDATE**
Okay, THIS WAS A JOKE PEOPLE.
I am and always have been alive and kicking.
I have and have never had any intent to kill myself.
This was merely a joke that I and my friends laughed about,
And I decided to share it with you.
What I didn't realize is that jokes like this don't translate well through the Internet.
So don't worry, I'm alive.
Don't feel bad laughing.
This is called dark humor.
Humor in which you joke about horrible things, in this case, the horrible thing is suicide.
When I posted this, this was my search tags:
"If you can't figure out that this is a joke and laugh about it (as I did), then there is seriously something wrong with you."
What I didn't know at the time is that you can't actually see the search tags, so it went unread. But there ya go.