Lucian </3

Falling in love is something I never saw myself doing. I never once believe that it would come to me. I never thought I'd actually say 'I love you' to someone outside my family. When it happened, I was scared; I ran, and now I see why I ran. I let him in, and I gave him my love. I know I wasn't a good boyfriend. I know that I was never there for him, and that I'm just a bad person all together. I can't really help that. It's just who I am. The point is that, he's gone. He left me. He willingly left me. He told me he loves me, and I assumed that it meant we'd actually be together for a long time. I never assume forever, but I figured it would have been longer than it happened to be. Now here I am, crying my eyes out, wanting nothing more than to drink away my pain. I can't believe he left me; the world; this life. I just will never be able to process it. He means a ton more to me than I ever thought would be possible, and I love him more than I ever wanted myself to love someone. I knew pain would come with it, and here I am with a bleeding hole in my chest from where he ripped my heart out. I know I didn't help the situation, but I'm only a person. I'm going to freak out. It scared me, and I messed it up. Now I regret what happened. I regret everything I said. I regret never being there for him.
I want to do it over.