August 22nd, 2009 1:36 AM

Currently Playing: 'Dreaming With A Broken Heart' by John Mayer

Sometimes I wonder why I've been single for over two years. And sometimes I wonder why I even dated the boy I dated two years ago. He wasn't that cute; which usually doesn't really matter to me, and he was really clingy. I couldn't handle it, so after a month I broke up with him, in the most childish way possible. I told my friend, Melissa, to do it. And I've felt guilty ever since.

But he's happily in a relationship now and I don't think much of him anymore. I've moved on from crush to crush, one crashing and burning, and the most recent crush still going strong. His name is Clay and he's a senior. Though that's not something to 'whoooo' about because I'm junior. It'd be more fascinating if I was a freshman. He's got the most gorgeous smile in the world, and in my opinion, the most awesome personality. Sometimes I'm in a bad mood and I'll just listen to him when we're on break and sitting with our little group of friends, and mostly every thing he says will make me laugh, whether he's intending to cheer me up or not.

He has the ever-so-cliche 'swoopy' hair, and its the cutest thing when he shakes his head to get his hair out of his eyes. It would make every girl swoon. The best thing? He's probably one of two guys that knows how much of a video game freak I really am. And he's probably the only boy willing to let me play video games with him.

But if I did start a relationship with him, I'd want it to last longer than a month. Because, really, when you go through those relationships that don't last long, isn't it just a waste of time and energy and 'love?' I think so. So I wouldn't want this to last just a month; thirty days; four weeks. No. Longer than that. All my friends say I need a lasting relationship with a boy that will make me completely happy. And they're right. So I'm hoping that I'm not just wasting my time. I'm hoping that this 'crush' will be worth it if it actually does turn into something more. Because after this year, he'll be gone off to college (maybe) and I'll be stuck here for another year.

Tell me what you think.

And yes, Clay is his real name.

But just know that this will be a huge FML if he is a closet Mibba-freak and reads this.