Why? Why why why why why?
I've been wanting to do this forever. To tell him I hated him and I couldn't be with him. He hadn't been on for a week but he was on tonight. So I told him. And then he told me the reason he hadn't been on was because he was grounded. And then he said something happened but he didn't want to tell me. So then I told him I just wanted to be friends and that I didn't love him and I made him tell me what happened. He tried to kill himself last weekend. Second time this past year...
What is so wrong with his life? Why can't he think of how much I love him when he's ready to kill himself? God, doesn't he know how much this hurts me?!
I hate him so much, but I love him more than anything in this entire world.
Maybe I will go back to him just like always. But loving him is not worth the stress. And what if next time he's had it he really does kill himself?
He's all I think about. Hell I want to marry this kid. But I don't want to love him I don't want to love him I DON'T WANT TO LOVE HIM.
I talked to him an hour ago and I'm still shaking. I have to pretend nothing is wrong when all I want to do is crawl into a hole and never come out. He doesn't know what he does to me and how much he hurts me. But still I love him.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm the one that should be attempting suicide.
I love the way you're reaching for the gun...
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