Aug . 29 2009- 1 am
Life can’t get any better then this. My father has finally lightened up and let me do my own shit. I have two jobs. Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King. I’ve been working at KFC for about a year and I just started Burger King. I’ve been chilling with this girl, Ashley Dias, then these guys Eric Furtardo, Patrick Medeirous, and Jonathan Cabral.
Jonathan is a really sweet boy, but for some reason he drives me insane and on occasions can tick me off. Then we have Ashley and Eric. They both like each other like crazy. I’m trying to hook up Nicole with Patrick. It’s exciting to see them getting along well, I just don’t want to see my best guy friend get hurt. Then we have Jonathan and I, what we have together I cannot explain. I’m weird, sometimes I can flirt with him, and sometimes I can cuddle with him then other times I don’t even want to see his face. I met this kid Mark Santos today. He looks exactly like my ex. Brad. Brought horrible memories on how I loved that kid. I’m so confused, I am hurt and I am scared. All I’ve been doing since last January is dating around. Not one guy that I have dated has come closed to entering my cold-hearted heart. I’m not going to sit here and complain on how much I hate my life, truthfully I don’t. I have an amazing life, amazing friends and even though my family drives me insane I love them to. I do stupid stuff that I regret after a while. I lost my best friend ray, my friend Numan, and I’ve lost me. Through out these months, I haven’t felt anything, no emotions at all. I cry, doesn’t surprise me but something is wrong. Its like I lost a piece of me that I need back. All those guys that entered my heart have some how destroyed me. First my first love, Cody. I loved that kid, I told him everything, he treated me differently but you see I was also different. I never used to be like I was, yes I was careful about whom I trusted. I was an observant, I used to love to smile, and I used to love to dance, just to be me. When I was 11 I would run around the house screaming, “no one can bring me down, no one can hurt me.” I was very wrong. My life has changed; I never thought I’d be where I am today. Cody of course broke my heart two weeks into the relationship. He wanted to stay friends but I couldn’t take the pain so I started treating him differently, then in the end we became distant. In the end he wasn’t the person I thought he was. About 4 months later I met that boy.
The one who could make me smile just by looking at me. He had me and he knew it. He was everything I ever wanted. His name was Brad. Skated, tried his best and always knew what to say. It felt so very good to be in his arms. We became very close, and then our worlds fell apart one day. He called me up crying, and yes Brad never cried. He claimed his ex; Brit was pregnant with his child. My heart broke, my mind became clear. My wall that had been shattered because of him suddenly appeared again. Even before he called me I knew it. I knew my happiness couldn’t be true. I asked myself the same question everyday, “why me?” Tears strolled down my cheeks that night. I couldn’t take it; my friends knew something happened but I never said a word. I came into school, with everything bottled up. Of course I kept quiet, whom was I going to tell? Everyone would talk crap about me anyways, so let them keep guessing. The thing about my life, I had to choose, whether to stay with him or separate. I let him decide one day. He broke up with me. Want to hear the messed up thing? His ex; got an abortion then he went to my ex best friend. No wonder why I am messed up. I cried even more after that. Life after that was all dating. I didn't care. I haven't fell for anyone. That is when i met Ashley Dias. This girl changed my life. She turned me into a dare devil. Always smiling and trying to keep me up. I'm the quiet type she is the out of this world crazy type. Which is why we got along so well. She met Pat, Eric, And Jon. Then i met them and ever since then we all started to chill like crazy. Every night to be exact. Truthfully when I'm around all of them, I'm smiling and laughing and i can be me.
