Am I A Bad Person? (I'm Still On Hiatus - This is just a thought.)

Ya, I'm still on Hiatus. This is just a journal that I need to do, because I feel that I need some advice.

So...I have this friend, Jess, and I could say that I was particularly mean to her sometimes. But I wasn't the "push" type of mean, not a bully type of mean relax, but I just tease her. You know how you know something is wrong but it's just that you get so into it that you end up going farther and farther into the "mean-ness" that you end up...Hurting that friend?

Well, I've done that to her in the past, and on the last day of school, well, I thought she forgot us.
And by "us", I mean my best friend and I.
>:/

(And could I add that she was a bit 'immature'? Like...I even told her that she had a personality or thought like a 5 year old...And by this I meant she was naive, and does things I usually or someone else would do in the first grade..!)

We used to be friends...All 3 of us. But then my best friend kinda didn't want to be friends with her any more...And because during this long ass summer, she hasn't called either of us. So we got the idea that she hated us -- and we began to forget about her too.

Recently my bestie and I were talking about her and I actually told her how I really felt bad about what I did to her. But then she pointed out that it didn't matter, because she did some things, too. Like she lied and stuff. And I guess that was understandable, knowing how she did a crap load of crap.

And unexpectedly, she called today. We started texting, etcetera. She told me how her other phone was out of minutes, blah blah blah...Then I began to be honest with her and told her about how I was sorry, but how I thought she hated us.

Now, what makes me think I'm a bad person?
Remember I said I thought I had forgotten about her?

I really don't want to be friends with her anymore, even though only a part of me wants to be friends. I have a lot of reasons why I don't want to be friends with her anymore, and one of them is 'cause I got used to not liking her anymore, and also because I just don't know how my bestie is going to react when I tell her I wanna be friends with Jess again.

I don't want to have to lose another friend (my other close friend moved away) and I she's really...Cool. I can relate to her and she can relate to me...It's just that I haven't had this type of a friend that was so...Connected to me. xD Cheesy, yeah, but it's true. To be honest, I kinda miss her 'cause we haven't seen each other in person yet, ever since the end of the last school year.
:/

So this is my question to everyone else...

Could everyone please give me advice on how I should deal with this? I was thinking about telling her I don't want to be friends with her anymore, but i feel bad telling her that. It's just wrong to me. But I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I kinda wanted it to stay that way -- with only my bestie and I.

We actually didn't give a sh*t about her. I actually thought that when we would meet (we're all going to the same school again.) that she would change to something different -- a wannabe. Maybe even a pimp. ahaha

But that's just my question. What should I do?
August 31st, 2009 at 08:49pm