I'll try to make a summary of my day quick, get through the simple stuff and just start the meaningful stuff later.
Today was the first day of school and I gotta say - my school is huge. And I mean "high-school" huge. Yeah, I'm a middle schooler.
The staff was great, actually. A lot of the teachers had iPhones. :D And there was one that threatened us with hers. But she happened to be cool, funny...And the L.A. Teacher. (Writing!!) My day basically was huge building, funny staff, friend reuniting, and me carrying a load of crap on the first day and I didn't get to unload it into my locker 'cause we didn't get assigned ones yet and I'll just end it there.
Now for the meaningful part.
After I got out of the school bus, (also with my heavy load) my Dad and I walked home. As we were halfway home, he began to tell me something and started off with a "I've got something to tell you, I hope you don't take this in the wrong way, blah blah blah." And if you're a person like me that thinks in my spare, boring time I have left, of course after he says that my head begins to be filled with thoughts, and even my worst fears. Death, disease...
I can't say I was glad it had nothing to do with my parents, because it happened to my aunt, who I'm not really really close to, but is close to. (; Well, I just found out that she died today. I won't go too into detail because I don't know everything, all I know is that it's quiet around the house today, somewhat silently awkward...And just to let you know, this isn't the meaningful part.
Of course, I'm all sad now. But my Dad thinks of me as someone too soft and begins to comfort me, of course, at the wrong times. I don't know why, but I don't like to cry at funerals....Or after getting news that someone in my family died. I feel guilty for not doing it, because it might make others think that I don't give a damn about that person. No. I just don't know why, but I don't like breaking down...I just don't.
Then, when we get home, I grab a snack. I don't seem affected, but inside, I really feel sad. I don't make a big fuss and cry and cry and cry...But I really am depressed that it happened.
So while I was getting a snack, my Dad comes and whispers that it was kind of a secret and that not everyone knew. Then, he added, that my cousin with cancer, only had a month left to live.
Now comes the meaningful part. What I'm trying to say here is that...It's hard to figure out when or where you'll...Die. It's just so silent, death, and that we never see it coming. I guess this really isn't words of wisdom, but I would just like to share my thoughts since this IS a journal. I just hope someone - at least one person - will read the meaningful part and leave a comment.
I know life is a journey.
I know life is supposed to be this way.
I know it's all going to end someday.
I know all this. But why?
Why give us life when it's all going to end anyway? I know this sounds naive and irrational, but think about it. If God knew we would go through all this pain and sadness...Why would he start it? Is it just another way of life? Is this all just a game?
I'm at loss for words right now.
So I won't be posting stories any soon, but maybe a couple of these.
I'll leave you my MSN username if anyone wants to talk. (: That would be nice.
peace ;; huzzah.
Who Would've Thought That It Would All End This Way? (A Meaningful Journal, Somewhat.)
September 8th, 2009 at 09:41pm