Letting Go

Okay, what the hell has this world come to when people turn on their own family in order to feel big and bad? Oh, wait. That just makes you a coward. It doesn't mean you're awesome that you make your little sister cry. It doesn't mean you're cool that you piss on the ones who have loved you your whole entire life. It doesn't mean you're high-and-mighty that you're hated by your own family.

There's nothing about you that I envy, except maybe your ability to turn away from those who are supposed to matter the most, with shedding not one tear or feeling not one twinge of guilt for hurting those around you. How can you do it? Teach me your ways, O Amazing One, so that I might be able to become heartless and cold as you with no remorse, no consideration for anyone else. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be sitting here, crying and trying to figure out just what made you become the monster you are today. I wouldn't be trying to figure out why you ENJOY being the monster you've become.

You know, you used to be one of my best friends. I knew all I had to do was ask you for help, and you'd have my back. You would always be down for helping me, whether it was school work, or bullies, or whatever. You'd be there. Now, it's like everytime I look at you, I see the ghost of what my brother used to be. I only see the alien being you've allowed to take over you. You have no idea how it pains me to write you off. I can't make excuses for you any longer. I can't keep telling myself - and the world around me - that you'll change. I know you're not going to. Pretending you will if only given time, is only breaking my heart. I can't believe the lies anymore.

Like I so eloquently said through Instant Messaging, leave me alone. I no longer want anything to do with you or your "girlfriend" or your drama. I don't need the pain, nor do I need the headache. You say you're my brother and I'm supposed to always be there for you? Well, where the Hell have you been when I needed you? You sure as Hell haven't been by my side, and I can't - and I won't - keep lying for you. You're not worth the guilt. You're not worth the heartache. Quite frankly, you're not worth anything.

Good-bye.