I am not the same.

I love you, I hate you, I never wanted you, I'll never let you go
I can't wait to bless that lens with the image of you. Forget the off switch, it will be left on so the batteries can dry out… you'll be the last thing photographed.
And as I die, you'll be the last thing in my minds eye.
For my camera gives me my true sight.
My back is pressed to the grass and my stomach is against the sky. There's a cigarette between my fingers, and ashes falling on my chest. The embers are burning through my clothes and frying my skin, but I don't care.
These scars are welcomed, because they come with thoughts of you.
I exhale the smoke and let my mind trick itself. From this angle, it looks like clouds…
A million fantasies in my head, but none are as beautiful as the longing to die for you. I would kill yourself to defend your honor but I'm not worth burial expenses.
So for now I will kiss a thousand others and not feel a twinge of pleasure.
Nothing as is as passionate as sacrificing for the one you love.
At times like this, I despise whoever taught me to swim. I long to go back my past and collapse into the sea. I'd give anything to be moved waves, not emotions.
But I fear the mermaids would hold me steady, and the gulls would fly me back to
pathos.
For now I will soak myself with spring showers and trick myself till I am at ease.
The suns departure is accompanied by my shadow. If only I was as tall as my dark counterpart.
At least then the stars would keep me company.
Those nights wouldn't be so goddamn lonely, now would they?