I'm starting to realize some things

So my junior year of high school-academically- has been extremely boring. I'm getting homework EVERYDAY including weekends, but the days go by fairly quickly (except in Algebra 2 ... ugh).

Socially, it has been VERY interesting... It's been really hard on me. I've been starting to realize some things.

So far, I have fallen in love. It's not the worst thing I've ever been through and I will NEVER regret it, but if you're so desperate to fall in love- I suggest you enjoy you're single/virgin-with-love life haha. It's so stressing and it comes to the point where you NEED the person. Ha, and a few months ago, I would have never thought I would say that. But.. I'm in love and in the end- when the bad situation I'm going through with it right now goes okay- it's going to be an even better experience. It's great, but take my advice when I say you can wait for love.

Okay so now back to what I am realizing. I'm going to be 16 in a month and just everything is starting to hit me now. I'm starting to realize for one that I can't stand my friends. I mean, sure I can tolerate them whatever and I've always been the girl with a high tolerance for people, but now I'm really starting to grow up (with that little voice inside me going "ughh why now?!") and I'm starting to mature enough to the point where... my friends are way too immature. Except my best friend, she's the only one of my level really, but she's always been mature haha. But it's just, it's just starting to get nasty hearing their weird sexual stories and just other stuff that should really be kept personal. I believe in being open, but I'm starting to think you shouldn't be THAT open. I mean your sex life for one, in my opinion, should be your own business and kept personal unless you're asked and are comfortable with talking about it in a serious manner. It's not only the fact that they're way too immature about sexual matters, but I'm only going to bring up one point why. Overall, point is, I'm realizing I need to grow up now and I'm starting to mature- and I really don't know what to do about my friends and this situation. It's hard to just get away from people you spent most of your school years around, you know ?

Also about growing up... I know I go to everyone for advice whenever I have a problem big or small. I am so indecisive I have to rely on others to help me make a decision. And it makes me wonder how I can call myself independent if I'm doing all this ? I'm not against asking someone for their opinion now, but I really need to learn to make my own decisions and not care what everything else thinks- even if it's my own best friend, sister, and even my own mother. I think I've been sitting here using everyone else' standards as my guideline in life. I think I need to start thinking really hard about everything about what I want. I take everyone's advice and I tend to listen to them more than I listen to myself sometimes because I'll sometimes feel guilty if I don't listen. I need to do what I want and start to figure out problems myself. Or else I'm going to start resenting or getting mad at everyone who ever gave me advice when it would be my own fault

And this whole growing up thing is making me want to cry. I mean, who isn't afraid of growing up ? I'm sure we all are to some extent. But for me it's like everything is hitting me like BAM! Time to grow up! This is really scary for me right now because you sit there and you're just like "yeaa I'm always going to be like this" and then it just seems like the next day you're looking at almost EVERYTHING with a new perspective. I don't feel like I'm losing who I am though, but I just feel different... in a good way of course.

I still have things to work on of course because this is all new to me, but yea, I just wanted to get this out. It took me until almost 16 to start to mature... and it's weird. And I'm still trying to figure things out, but we all know that's going to take the rest of my life haha.

And that's all I needed to say