Just a few things I have to get through my head

We try to take it slow
But we're still losing control
And we try to make it work
But it still ends up the worst
And I'm craaazzzy
For trying to be your laaadddy
I think I'm going crazy

That is Shut Up by The Black Eyed Peas in case you didn't know. And the reason I put that up there in this entry is because that song reminds me so much of my relationship right now.

Ugh, whatever, I'll get through it. I just need to constantly remind my supposed-optimistic self that everything is going to end up okay. And who knows, maybe letting the whole internet-world know my problems and writing/typing it down will help me look back and go "SEE YOU'RE FINE YOU CRAZY B*TCH" ... hopefully.

Anyways, I realize I need to stop freaking about EVERYTHING in my relationship right now. I mean ever since this bad situation happened it went from me and him have been fighting everyday, to friends, to back together (despite the fact I'm not allowed to see him right now), to both of us hoping we'll get through this. And now I'm having problems with MYSELF now. I think I need to fix myself a little so I can actually make the best of this right now.

Like I said, I freak out and over analyze everything right now. Like I'm too nervous to call/text first because I don't want to seem clingy. I get worried if he doesn't call or text fast enough. I get worried if he doesn't come visit me in 6th hour like he usually does (I'm actually getting better with that though... um, I think). And whenever he jokes around about something I freak out and take it too seriously.

I miss when me and him were just happy.

So I think I have a solution.... I think I should just act as if he's just my friend a little bit because when we were just friends for-ha, a week, maybe 5 days ? - I didn't freak out and I just enjoyed seeing him call or text me.
Or maybe I should say we should stay just friends for right now -.- my God I don't know. No, I can't do that...
Basically, I'm trying to let go a little bit. Because if I keep putting myself in this position where I'm never happy, I'm going to end this relationship on bad terms and I really think me and him will work out if I just get through this and relax. Because now I'm starting to think maybe most of these problems I have with him are in my head. Gotta love insecurities, ladies -.-

So yea I think I need to make myself let go and just have the mindset that we're friends and if we act couple-y then I need to just let go and enjoy that too. This all sounds so much better in my mind trust me.

Like I said, if I don't fix myself when it comes to this or it's not going to end up the way I want it to.

And that's all I need to say.