The Cold and Distant West Coast

Saturday, September 12, 2009 *Copied and Pasted.

Okay, it hasn't been cold, but I thought that title sounded better than The Warm-Despite-Its-Reputation but Still-Just-As-Distant West Coast.

Yeah, so I moved into the Halls at Uni yesterday. The room's alright. It could be better but it could be worse. Everyone I've met have been dead nice. I haven't yet attempted to use the washing machine yet. Or the cooker. I haven't even used the microwave yet. Though I have used the kettle. Go me.

Nah, I'll be alright. I can figure all that out, I'll get used to it. The thing I can't get used to is the nice people. I just can't do it. I've tried: I sat with a group for about 6 hours last night. Barely said a word. Panicked whenever someone tried to talk to me. It's pathetic.

I was knackered by about 11, but ended up staying there until 2:40am simply because I'd noticed that whenever someone left, pretty much everyone would say bye, whether or not that person drew attention to their departure. So I waited until the group dwindled, despite how tired I was. I was actually so tired that when I got back up to my room eventually, the whites of my eyes had gone pretty red. That has never happened before. I risked my eyesight getting even worse to save myself the awkwardness of having 20ish potential friends taking half a second to say bye.

This morning, I put off getting up because I would have to go through to the shared kitchen area to boil the kettle (though I've since discovered I'm allowed a kettle in my room) and didn't want to run into anyone. Once I'd eventually done that, I put off getting into the shower because I didn't want to walk through the kitchen/lounge area to get there, or have anyone talk to me, or ask if someone was already in the shower, or arrive at the shower to find there was already someone in and having to walk back again. I only eventually went because I remembered I have to live here and I can hardly just never shower, can I?

Then a girl came into town with me - something I'm sure she regretted very soon. All I did was agree with whatever she'd said or rephrase it and say it again. She said I was far too quiet. We came back after being there about half an hour. She hasn't tried to speak to me since. I don't blame her. Just like I've never blamed those who have done pretty much the same thing over the years. Sociable people don't want to talk to unsociable people. It's as simple as that.

I don't know if I'll bother going down tonight. Though I might, since loads of new people seem to have arrived today (there's even new folk in the same flat as me who I haven't met yet because the thought of opening that door scares the shit out of me), so there might be someone I can actually have a conversation with. Unfortunately those types of people are the types of people who would rather sit in their rooms.

Maybe I'll just wait until classes start. Or just never speak to anyone. People get the point eventually. I'm the one who just prefers to be alone. It's just Mum kept saying not to just sit in my room and she'll be pissed off if that's exactly what I do. I don't see the problem with that though. I like to just sit in my room. I'd rather write a story than socialise. That's just who I am. I don't see why that's such a problem.

The thing is, it will be a problem. I'm doing fucking Film-making for chrissake. I'm going to have to talk to people a lot for that. It just isn't something you can do on your own and I think I'm seriously going to wish I'd went with Astrophysics after all.