Him.

I don't remember the last time I felt this... worth while. I don't remember the last time I just laid on the couch watching Spongebob with a boy who wasn't just in it to fuck me. He showed me something I forget was still around. He showed me respect. I'm not about to say I love him. I don't. I do care about him so much though. He makes me so happy... I can't help but think back and still get butterflies.
I can picture clear images in my head as if I was still in the moment. I can see his perfect full lips, pressing against my forehead telling me to get better. I can feel his hands, tracing my back, my arm, my cheek... I can smell him. I don't think its a cologne, I'd recognize a sent like that. His smell is more of a nature one. I love it. I asked him not to leave. I wanted more of his innocent kisses. I wanted the feeling of his fingers between mine.
Granted, I was sick, I could barely talk, my voice had given out hours before he arrived. I didn't care, I tried not to breath on him, the last thing I wanted was for him to get sick too. I kept saying things I hoped he wouldn't do. For instance, I'd say, "You can leave, I don't want you to get sick." Or, "Don't get to close!" He ignored me. And, I was glad for that. He just combed his fingers through my dark hair and say, " I don't mind if I get sick, then we can be together tomorrow when everyone else is in school." He makes me smile uncontrollably. I like this guy.
I'm so nervous around him. I just really, really, REALLY do not want to mess this up. You see... I'm no good at relationships. In fact... My most stable relationship I've ever been in, was the one before this. And me and that boy weren't even technically together. I struggle. I'm going to really try at this one though, I'm going to give it my all. Because I'm in deep. I knew this former statement was true when his dad called and said, "Time to come home!" Even though I had just spent 4 hours laying there in his arms.... Safe, warm, I was even starting to feel better. He wrapped me close to his chest and kissed the top of my head. Then, he said, "I have to go." I threw my arms around his neck and forced myself closer to him as if I was trying to latch myself onto him. I whispered, "Please don't leave me... please."
It was pathetic, I know this. But I am selfish. I wanted more. I even asked him to just stay the night. He hugged me back and gave me a ton more kisses, on the top of my head, my forehead, my cheek, my shoulders, my hands... As if this wasn't already soooooo hard for me to watch him leave, he finally gently pushed me off of him, I stopped putting up a fight and the second he was off of the couch I felt alone. I hid my childish expression into the floral-print pillow and covered myself in my Batman blanket.
"I'm mad at you," was my muffled reply to his getting up. He found his keys, his shoes then he came back over to the couch putting his hand on my back,
"No, don't be mad at me, I have to go, I'll come back and see you tomorrow though." I peeked up at him,
"I promised I wouldn't leave, and I didn't, and now your leaving." He looked at me a little serious this time, "This is different, when I leave, I know I'm coming back, but if you left... I'd never see you again." I threw my face back into my pillow and mumbled a smart-ass response.
He removed the blanket and kissed my cheek. "I'll see you later." I laid there until I heard the front door shut. Then, I flipped over onto my back and re-thought about the last 4 hours over and over in my head... I still definitely do not believe in 'falling in love', and I most certainly have not changed my thoughts on my morals. But this boy is making a remarkably good impression on me, and maybe... maybe... I am wrong about life. Maybe people can fall in love, and maybe sex should be between two people who love each other. Maybe, pills aren't an escape. Maybe, it is ok to be happy with no string attached... I guess I will just have to wait and see. (: