Caught Between Clara and a Nutcracker.

Hey everybody! It's been pretty hectic lately, and I haven't had the time to update. I've finished writing the Little Things, it just needs some filler chapters to lengthen it up. I've also started writing a new Harry Potter story (it's a Lily-James one) and I'm still in the process of writing my original fiction.

So I made nutcracker! It's going to be my last year, and I'm so excited. At least, I was excited. Things started taking a turn for the worst after the first rehearsal. I was expecting to have an alternate and I was hoping I would get a couple shows with my three friends from dance. Let's call them L, H, and J.

So J got separated from us. J has to be in the battle scene because she's too tall to do party scene. I felt bad, but she did excellent and is in all shows. L and H made party with me, and I was so happy that two of my friends were doing it with me.

The first rehearsal, they split everyone up and put them in casts and spots. They put me dead center in the front of the stage and told me I'd be doing all shows. Um, excuse me? I know they have a lot of faith in me because I've been doing this nutcracker for the past three years, but all shows?! I'm going to be so swamped.

Worse, L and H got put in different casts in the same part, meaning they wouldn't see each other after November. Both of them were sort of upset on the ride home, but it was L giving me the most crap.

The rest of the rehearsals were fine. We memorized the whole routine in less that two days and everything was perfect. An old friend (We'll call him E) was dancing too. He was going to be Fritz. E is adorable, and if he wasn't younger than me, I'd date him. Is that sick? Anyway, E is like a brother to me, and I love to tease him.

But of course, L has a crush on E. I can tell, even if she's trying to hide it. She constantly stalks him, and he tries to brush her off. I want to tell her to lay off, but apparently, that doesn't work. I have no problems with H or J, but L is starting a full fledged war.

So today during rehearsals, my leg started to hurt. At first it was fine, but then it started to get really painful. It was almost like someone was stabbing my leg. I decided to ask the ballet mistress if I could sit out a part of rehearsal, and she let me. She asked another girl, A, to do my part, but L insisted she do it.

She did it all wrong.

I don't want to be mean since L is younger than me, but she tries to act so superior. This is what she told me. "Oh, if you can't do it, cause I know you can't do it, I'll do it all for you. I mean, of course it sucks that you're feeling pain in your leg, but I'll do it for you. I'll take your role if you want me to. You can be H's alternate. We could switch roles."

Okay, OVER MY DEAD BODY.

There is no way in hell I would let her take my role, even if my leg did hurt a bit. I took the pain and decided to start dancing again. This, of course, angered L, and she didn't talk to me for the rest of rehearsal.

L has jealousy issues, and I've known that. But honestly, she talks shit about people when her dancing starts being iffy itself. She needs to stop focusing on other people and start thinking about her dancing.

Also, do you know how much it sucks to be fourteen and dance with ten to twelve year olds?! I'm not that much taller than them, but I do look different. All of those girls are prepubescent. It's tough to dance when a twelve year old boy is staring at your chest.

It's like....thats rude. I know I weigh more and I look more mature, but honestly, I don't need all those pubescent boys staring at my chest. I have to crouch down when we sit because my arms are longer and I look older. Last year, they told me not to put on as much makeup because I looked older than the rest of the kids!

Ugh. Finally, I have a ton of pressure at my studio to do the role of Clara. A lot of people have randomly come up to me to tell me that I should audition for Clara. Look, I want to audition. I'd audition even if I had a fever that day. Problem is, I have a lot of pressure at my professional nutcracker. And honestly, it looks better to have a minor part in a major company's production than to have a regular part in a small nutcracker no one but the parents from the studio go to.

I'll be learning Spanish and Friends this year, and that's already a lot on my plate. I've got about ten shows to do already, and I'm getting up at six thirty every weekend (Gasp, I know) to head downtown and dance until lunch time.

I don't think I can handle this. Emotionally, I haven't shown any worn. I've been trooping through this. Sadly, my body is starting to show wear and tear from all the pressure already. My asthma is flared up, and my allergies are worse than ever. My leg is hurting, and I'm easily tired these days.

God help me. I need to get my priorities straight.