Have you ever had a moment that suddenly perked up your spirit? That made you feel like you can do something or that you are not alone?
I had one yesterday. Her name is Destin. But I'll do a background first.
I have been diagnosed with depression, for several reasons.
One is that I have come out to my mother, and I live in the South. In a school that has about three thousand students, you are surrounded by heterosexuality. I swear, people make out in the hallway, right in front of you. In my three years at my high school, I haven't seen a same-sex couple. Now, I do know a few gay people (most of my friends are either gay or bi) but I only know one girl who actually has a girlfriend (Ironically, it was the girl that I liked and who thinks I'm a nice person >.<)
Two, I want to be in a relationship. A real relationship that means something, you know? But, again, I know no single gay/ bi girls. The third is my social anxiety which prevents me from meeting people.
So yesterday was my state's Day of Equality. It was a day for the GLBTQ in my state. From 11:30 A.M. to 6:00 P.M. were workshops like being safe at school, religion, and youth issues. At 6:00 P.M. to 9:00 P.M. was a dance.
I rode in with one of my friends (an ally) and her friend(another ally) to the center in which the Day of Equality was being held. We were actually late (the driver got lost one the way to my house, I live in a confusing neighborhood for her credit) but arrived about two hours after it started. We ran upstairs and attended the second half of a workshop for safety at school. Scanning the faces in the class, and being surrounded by gay teenagers, It really struck me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only gay teenager in the south! Not only that, but there was an elder lesbian couple who had a child! In the south!
I know this might not make sense to those reading this, but it just really helped. Living in such a conservative state, it's nice to know there is help for me if I ever need it. It makes me smile just at the mere thought!
In the workshop for safety in school and for the youth GLTBQ, was Destin. Looking around the first workshop I attended, I saw her and immediately felt a small tingle within me. She went to the dance as well.
We acted like little kids together, like hitting a balloon back and forth trying to make sure it doesn't touch the ground. She danced crazily just to make me laugh. She blew bubbles just for me, and smiled as I popped them with my fingertips… and when she touched my shoulder, I melted. I swear, there was like a lightning bolt ran through my body, from my shoulder, to my toes, and made me smile. Every time our eyes me, we would both smile and turned away. She danced close to me the whole time I was there and made me actually want to stay at the dance instead of going home.
Oh, I haven't felt this happy in a long time! Such a great feeling!
Much Love,
The White Dahlia <3
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