Struck down

I find it funny that my friends tell me I'm pretty. I realy do. So okay, I have good looks but a terrible personality. Lovely. I repel people, I don't mean to. It just always happens. I'm settlement if they can't have my friends, I'm second chioce.

I hate being told by someone's best friend "Hey this person likes you", two days later it'll turn out to be a lie 'cause the person has been crushing on my friend instead. I just hate it. But I've come to the conclusion that it's not their fault, it's mine. I should stop being myself. Revert back to an 1800's mind set. Calm, complacent, speak when spoken to. Maybe then someone will look at me first and actually keep interest in me after they meet my friend.

Some reason's why no one likes me; I'm crazy, I'm trouble, I have anger issues, I'm cold. Maybe if you got inside my head for one hour you'd realize why I'm like that. That's not all who I am, but of course, pick out the negatives of me.

I just got my confidence, I just built it up, I just got to telling myself "I love who I am" but now there is none. I hate who I am. I look at my friends and I can't help but feel jealous, I can't help it. They're prettier, nicer, friendlier, but they haven't had such a rocky past that made them an angry person.

I'm just tired of it. I guess people also don't like me 'cause they think I'm an emotional stonewall, nothing affects me. Well news flash people, I, the person who hates crying, cried herself to sleep because of such a self hatred. I just hate hating myself. Everyone thinks I can handle it, every one thinks that I'm such a strong person because I never let them see me cry. I never let them see any other emotion besides happiness or anger. Well I'm done. I'm done with all this bull shit. I'm biting my tongue, I'm not talking, I'm focusing on school more rather than a social life. I'll hide and ignore inviations to hang out. I don't want to be around people who don't want me around. I don't want to be around people who out of pity invited me because they invited my freind who they all like.

Finally, I'd like to say fuck relationships and liking someone. Born into this world alone and shit I'm going out alone.

(P.S, if you've endured this rant of insanity, you get a massive cookie *gives you a giant cookie bigger than your head*)