I sent this letter to my friend:
(sad to say... it aint happy news)
Hey, this is painful, but it aint. Ya eaither get it, or ya dnt, eaither way... here goes...
Well, i've been thinking (omg!), alot... I realized that 1 of 2 things is wrong....
1) im an asshole
2) people just dnt understand how "i" think, so they dnt get what im saying...
I have come to the conculsion that, it may be both. I'm not sure wich is more the problem, seeing as to I am me, so i wouldnt know....
But, with this happening, i get annoyed, and pissed off. Ya i've tried to stop, idk if u know, but i dnt want to be this way (mad at people, i mean).
Though i fail at stopin because all my life, all i have heard is yelling.... and i'm so fucking sick of it...(yea i know, other peoples lives are like that too.
But how we choose to deal with that is different... and there isn't really a right or wrong answer to that... No one knows, because everyone's basic situation is the same, but details differ, and in this case the details matter more... (it sad, that it is this way) but, no one can help it...
People have different ways of going about, dealing with such things:
1) dont deal with it
2) try to move on
3) just blame everyone else, for it all
4) tell God he sucks and give up on life
And... there is a 5th one... its one that i regretfully choose...
i cant deal.. that makes me a bad person. and just proves this to be the right thing to do... for mine and other's (you) sake....
So i guess in a conbobulated way, im saying... im not sure if i want to keep being your friend....
i try so damn hard
so fucking hard to live with all this shit
but i cant....
1) simple dissagreements piss me off
2) you dont like the newish me
3) you think i ignore you (maybe i do, no, i think i actully do... what an ass am i)
4) you couldnt live with the fact that i liked Derek, for a really long time
5) you dont like who i like now....
6) you expect me to let it slide that you want to ( how do i put this.....) um.... "hang out" with the "potheads" and ya i did just call them that
7) i talk way to much habit from being alone somethimes and mumbling)
8) i am a horrible friend....
9) and we completly differ in opinions in a lot of stuff
I dnt understand y it took me so long to act on this... (ya i've contemplated it a tine or two...)
I dnt understan y it is that we are still friends
it really doesnt make sense
you hate me (well MOST of me)
and i get mad at you (for hating me, and not livin with it and for gettin mad at me when i am trying to explain what i said... like not letting me finsish, bc lately no one is getting what i am saying.....
so, in this really fucking long letter.... im sayin.... (retorically of coarse)
1) y are we still friends
2) y havent i said this before
3) i guess, we shouldnt be friends, there is no sense in it
P.S. I aslo think that you might find this as wollowing in own self pitty, and that's not what it is.... wollowing in own self pitty is crying and using these fact sto make people fell bad for you
I choose to get pissed and posiblly tell someone later.. just for them to listen and not comment
so this is excatly what it hopefeully appears as.... (a letter of a action i choose to take, hoping you will follow suit (in the decision)
and this is not to say "i never wanna see or talk to you agian" it just means being best buds is not the best thign for YOU or me....
so it time i've been demoted to just an aquaintance (although we might be ther already, i need this to be official)
yes i want it signed in blood and marked with the wax (of a black candle), in the shape of a knife... the knife that cut this thread on the tapestry of my life.....
(so if u wanna tell me what a *** i am, plz, go ahead)
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