Today, I told my best friend to go home. I took my dog for a walk instead of going to band practice. I watched Casper alone in my room instead of thinking playing football with Jussi. I went and got pizza instead of cooking a healthy dinner. Today, I remembered it was the first day of October. Exactly twelve days till Molly and Andi's death anniversary. I thought of suicide at least five times today.
I noticed how much the music meant to me. I noticed how much my friends and family meant to me. And how much dwelling on the past could hurt. I noticed how I was wasting my time trying to stay away from everything. How much being a hermit crab could make someone want to die; Resort to they're addictions, and.. Please don't let me go back to that. I don't want to feel such suffering anymore.
I understand that they're DEAD. There's nothing I can do to change that. I guess I just need to realize that.. Understand it and live FOR them. They're legacy can live through me. I'll tell my kids and grandsons and granddaughters about them. I want everyone would know how much they helped, how strong they were. I mean.. I know Andi killed herself.. But she was the strongest person I ever met. I love both of them to this day and even through they're not physically here, they're here in my heart.
That's all the matters, right?
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