This is me

So this is a little bit about me. My story, T&T, is partially based off my life. I am what people would call a "cutter" and have been for about a year. My friends try to help, but they can only do so much. My youth pastor tries to help, but he can only do so much. Yes, I am a christian so if you don't like that, you can just get over it and stop reading this. I know I may give christians a bad name by being a "cutter" but I'm trying to stop, I truely am. So If you were ever wondering how I know so much about cutting, it's cuz I've been there, I know how it feels.
Taylor and Tyler's relationship is based off a couple I know in real life. The girls name really is Taylor but I changed his name just to be sure. I am not close with either of them, but I admire how they respect each other and not only are they dating, but they are best friends. They met in a study hall class just by him bucking up and talking to her. They've been dating just over a year. How do I know so much about them you ask? No, I am not a stalker. I used to be friends with her, but she dumped me cuz I didn't fit into her perfect little group. I'm glad she did cuz now I realize how little she truely cared for me and that, had i shared my "secret" with her, she probably wouldn't have kept it to herself.
I also have a friend exactly like Holly. She has been there for me through it all. I love her so much for that and thank her for all of it. She is almost 2 years older then me. She's like the older sister I've always wanted. The girl like Holly, lets call her Molly, also has an older sister exactly like Heidi. She is the same way for me. They both tell me the truth whether or not I'm going to like it. They have helped me through thick and thin, good and bad, always bringing Christ's love into my life. I can never thank them enough.
The hard thing about all this is, "Molly" is friends with Taylor. I rarely see Molly outside school. I'm positive Taylor has talked trash about me to Molly and I don't appricate that especially because I don't want Molly to think badly of me. I already feel lame enough to seem so weak to her. (she says she doesn't see me as weak because i'm trying so hard to stop) But basically, my lifes rough right now. I see a christian counselor (she doesn't help much) and I talk to my friends I trust as much as possible. My parents don't know that I haven't stopped. So far I haven't cut for a total of 8 days. I know that's not much, but I have to start somewhere. So that's pretty much what my life is like right now.