I'm sick of being alone...

Have any of you ever felt really, truly alone? Like no one really wants to get close to you, because you're not really worth it? Like you'll be single for your entire life? Like you have no one to turn to for comfort? Like if you didn't show up at school for two weeks, no one would bother to text your or write on your Facebook wall or anything, just to see if you're okay? Because that's how I feel, so, so often.

For the past few nights, I've been alone with my thoughts, and maybe it's stress, maybe it's hormones, but I get to thinking about my life and I just start crying. I don't want to feel so alone. I want someone to be there to comfort me, to make me feel like I actually matter to someone in the world. I'm not suicidal, nowhere near it. But I don't want to be so distant anymore. I feel like I'm either really distant or really clingy. I've never had a boyfriend, and the guys I talk to probably don't intend to be any more than friends. And that really depresses me.

I used to be the "leader" of my group of friends. My friends all used to look up to me. I have one that still does, but now I feel like everyone just looks down on me, like I'm some annoying kid tagging along that no one wants around, but they don't have the heart to tell me to leave. I have one "friend" that makes me feel two inches tall and like the biggest idiot in the world. I don't know why I still talk to her. But I think it's because of her that I feel so terrible about myself.

I used to have great self-esteem. Hell, two weeks ago I still had good self-esteem. But it's been dwindling. I know there are all sorts of feminists out there that would tell me I don't need a man to be a strong, important woman. But I do need a man to live a happy life, to get married and have kids, and have someone to grow old with. And sure, I'm only fifteen, I have the rest of my life, but I look at the quality of the people of today, and I think, are my standards too high?

Maybe it's me. Maybe what I want doesn't exist. Maybe there isn't a quality guy out there with the same morals I have, someone who I can get along with, and feel comfortable around, someone who will love me unconditionally.

I used to be happy with myself. I used to think my life was going pretty damn well. But these stupid hormones are tearing me apart. I didn't used to be so emotional. I didn't used to be the kind of girl that smiles and says, "I'm fine," when I really want to be able to pour my heart out to someone, and they'll listen intently, they won't get impatient with me, they won't think I'm insane and treat me like a plague. I used to be the kind of girl that would say, "I'm great!" and mean it. I used to have a lot of friends. But now, not so much.

I don't want to be alone anymore. Is that too much to ask?