epic fail

why cant i just freaking be grateful? i just don't understand why everyones else lives are perfect. perfect grades, perfect families, perfect friends, when mine is the opposite. everything about me is wrong or stupid or ugly. no one cares about what goes with me. i was at a bonfire tonight and i wanted to talk with someone about how i was trying to stop cutting. 2 people there knew. both were busy talking to other people. so i sat there alone and had no one to talk to about anything. i just wanted to cry. all i could think about was how rejected i was. the tears were welling up in my eyes and i didn't know what to do. so my mom got there and i was ready to go. i couldnt find my glasses. so we got out of the car and were looking when heidi came up and asked what we were looking for and i told her. she announced it to everyone...we found them and i left. i felt so stupid. i got home and all i wanted to do was cry. but my mom decided i needed to be yelled at. so her and my dad screamed for a good 20 minutes at me. then i started talking to my sister about this guy that was there that had said something about her. she is getting all pissy about how hes a jerk and i was defending him cuz i think hes nice. so i got yelled at more. now all i can think about it cutting. again and again and again. so i did. and now i regret it. so yea, i screwed up my 2 weeks of not. too late now. no one cares anyway so whats the point?!