Well, not really, today was actually a bit disappointing, same old business in the Homecoming Pep Rally, I almost died of boredom, and it was raining. Honestly, that wasn't the most disappointing thing. Recently, I've had these silly doubts about trivial subjects, making me get really self conscious...
Today, I saw all these people holding hands and kissing each other's cheek, don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at them, I'm obviously jealous...and a bit disappointed. They don't realize how fragile relationships are, and they jump into them as quickly as possible thinking 'oh my god, he/she/they are the one'. It's kind of disappointing to know that people take love so lightly, it's alright to experiment, but it's better to try and make the relationship last as long as possible with just holding hands and getting to know each other.
Of course everyone has their own way to express themselves in a relationship, just affectionate (Holding hands, kissing their cheek or pecking their lips, light stuff) then slightly deeper things (longer kisses, hugging for excessive amounts of time, and other things), sexual acts (that covers EVERYTHING) and sadly; abuse. Things aren't meant to be most of those ways until as most people had come up with the religious motif of 'after you are married'.
It's kind of disappointing how it rolls, the idea of saving yourself is a ROMANTIC thing, instead of throwing away virginity of any sort forever, but it's difficult seeing others being able to hug and snuggle, even share a bed together and not have a care in the world, liking each other for who they are and all of that.
I was kind of disappointed. I've said that about five times now...maybe less...or more...yeah...but anyways. It seems to be some weird thing itching at me. I seriously didn't feel PRETTY today. A lot of people /say/ I'm pretty, but I've always had a self-confidence issue that made me push their comments to the side. I've had this problem since I could remember, basically, since I started school. Ugh. Anyways. I've felt inadequate to all the other people in school, even my /friends/ who I think are prettier than me. I just happened to be a weak-minded individual. But that's expected.
I saw my ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me because he viewed me as too energetic, and also too 'immature' if I had told him about my life he may have thought that I had advanced further than anyone. All he knew was that my mom was going through breast cancer at the time of dating, and that I liked to see him twice a week at school...at lunch only. I gave him hugs in the hallway of course. But blah. I guess giving a guy space isn't what they want now a days. Apparently you have to smother them with attention and make them want to leave but be extremely attracted to you at the same time. x.x
He broke up with me, as you say, and a week ago I found out he asked a girl to homecoming. Apparently she was more 'mature' and 'pretty' than I was. which I felt kind of inadequate and stuff......So as I walked home in the rain (No joke, I had an umbrella though, cause I hate getting wet.) I cried pretty hard. Finding love is pretty rough not isn't it? I just hope I won't be in my thirties by the time I /do/ find love.
Oh, another thing, I finally finished therapy. Yay! I'm socially acceptable now! (Even though everyone says I used to be. Even though I still talk about people's heads exploding and their guts spewing all along the highway.) I feel kinda better now being able to vent out to fellow mibba people....and I hope that you're all doing alright... if any of you guys want to talk, please do say so. :D I'm listening!
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