You can't ***ing stop me this time, I want to be nothing at all.

Remember when I said that my bandmates were my life? It's only part of the story, one of them actually saved me. I suffer from a lot of things social anxiety, depression, bulimia and a while back, anorexia. I just want to waste away again, there's nothing that could stop me now anyway, he never cared that much. I fucking break inside from what they say sometimes, I can't handle being compared to someone else. Then they told me that we have another girl joining us. So what is it now? another thing to compare me to? something better? I bet she's taller that me, prettier than me, more talented than me hell, I'm sure she's skinner than me, since I look like a fucking cow now that I actualy took his advice and started eating again. Well screw you, I'm not stopping this time. Even if I can't move my right foot, or even when I'm fucking pale when I'm "sick". I'm not fucking stopping. They tell me I'm like a sister to them, is this how they treat their sister? I feel like a toy. I feel like I don't mean a fucking thing to them. You don't know how much it hurts when I get pushed away by the only fucking people who are the reason why you're still breathing. I just want to be helpless and cold and pale and apathetic again. There's no turning back.