Her Heart Is Too Hard To Be Broken

All my life I've been known as the "tough girl". No one has ever seen me cry. No one has ever seen me in pain. And therefore, they believe I'm just a giant hard rock. I have no feelings, apparently. Yep, that means you can do whatever the hell you want to me and I won't cry or whine. I don't have an opinion or thoughts about anything or anyone. I'm just a lifeless rock.

There was this girl that used to go to my school who was practically a porcelain doll. Her feelings were so fragile that the slightest negative comment could leave her to shedding tears. No one ever said shit about her. Never. Why? Because they were too afraid of hurting her feelings. But she also was never invited to parties or get-togethers because everyone knew that she could end up ruining it. And as I'm typing this I'm wondering, what's worse? Having no one say bad things about you, but never include you or have everyone beat on your feelings like they're a punching bag but always include you?

I often wonder why people think that I have no feelings. Just because I don't cry why I'm hit in the face with a soccer ball doesn't mean I'm invincible, and I'm tired of people thinking that I am. I'm tired of acting like nothing's wrong. I'm tired of hanging out with people that put me down. But I can't escape any of it! I'm doomed to deal with all this bullshit for three fucking years! It makes me want to pull my hair out. Do you have any idea how bad i want to cry in front of them and have them think nothing of it? Do you know what I would give to be able to shoot curses at them without ruining my reputation and all my morals? I can't fucking take it anymore!

Thank God for Mibba. Do you know that right now there is no one I can go to, to talk about this kind of stuff? I feel like everyone is my enemy, even my best friend. I feel like everything I used to know is changing this year and I just wish it would stop.