Drews In Love. Yep. :to Andeh:

The Difference Between Loving Someone and Being In Love With Someone.

I love you. Now that I actually think about it, those 3 words dont mean very much these days. I remember saying that to plenty of girls when I first started dating in 6th grade. And then high schhol when I started being physical(keeping it G rated) with girls I said it countless times. Manipulated them. And destroyed them. I haven't always been the Drew you know and love.

I love you too means even less. It's just something to say when someone says the it first. You can't say "Ok thats nice but I dont love you" UUnless of course your a heartless bastard. Even if you dont mean it, you'll say it. It'll slip out and you'll send a sense of thrill and happiness up and down that girl's spine because they believe you. And they'll become dependent and obsessed with you. And no matter how much you care about them, you'll have to hurt them and tell them the truth.

When I first started saying the "L" word to you it eas because you had said it first. I knew you were different. I knew you'd understand if I hadn't said it. But i did anyway. Even though I wasn't fully loving you. You were my girlfriend so it just seemed appropriate to say. Yes. I knew there was something there between us. I knew we had a special connection. but was it love? Probably not at the time. At least not for me.

And as we grew closer those words were said over and over. And I said it back automatically. And I felt it too. I was starting to love you. I was falling for you Andeh. My Andeh.

I never expected to fall in love. I was Drew. I was a flirt. A player. That little man-whore you read about in stories. Except maybe not as bad. And I never EVER thought I'd fall in love over mibba. I joine to maybe read a little(yep drew reads. big surprise) And maybe meet a few new people. Mibba needed an awesome dude like me. But then I met you. And we became friends. You were a weird goofball and I was me, the goofy perv. A match made in heaven.

And then last night. Or whenever you read this. But on 11-01-2009 I realized I was really truely 100% absolutely head over heels for you. You carved a permanent space in my heart. I knew I was in love with you before last night. But still it came as a shocker for me. I believe you love me. I believe you feel the same.

I cried Andeh. Not sobbing or anything like that but there Just silent tears. Drew doesnt cry. But something just broke in me yesterday. And it just happened. I didn't tell you then cuz I didn't want you to start apologizing and blaming yourself for it. You didnt make me cry. I cried because I hated myself for hurting you. For causing you pain. Pure hatred. I don't want to hurt you Andeh. Ever. I love you. No, I'm in love with you. Crazily and utterly without a single doubt in the world, in love with you. And it's a strange feeling. A good feeling. A bad feeling. But I like it. Drewy's in love.

And it wont matter if you stop loving me. It wont matter if you hate me with all your mind body and soul. You'll always be my Andeh. Even if you hurt me. Even if everything you've ever told me was a lie, I'll love you. Even after we breakup and move on, you'll be my first love.

This has got to be the longest journal I have ever, and will ever write.
But every single word is true.