Equally as depressing as the last update

I'm on fire tonight with the jorunal updates,this one unlike the last one isn't going to be as ranty if you will but more me just fucking rambling until I can't ramble anymore.That begin said I want to talk about recent things in my life(I know just the funnest thing you've ever heard right).Even though I broke up with her(for her privacy's sake she shall remain nameless) and I never regret anything I do in my life,I can't help but think to myself "what the hell did you do you fucking moron".It's a catch 22 sometimes with love and me meaning I want love and but I can never find love and when I do,if I do,I can't seem to make it work at all to save my life.While she say's she loves me I can never seem to trust her no matter how much I want to,and it's not her fault I've gone through some pretty bad heart breaks through out my years and It has affected my trust of anybody let alone someone who claims they love me.And as I sit here listening to tupac shakur(greatest rapper ever for those who don't know) I wonder if I should keep my head up or find a thug mansion to chill at(if that makes any sense at all to you).My friends say I should move on from her,Weither she admits it or not she's telling me to come back and I'm caught in the middle being pulled like a tug-o-war rope between them both and I don't really know who to listen to.Most of you will say listen to you and what you want but listening to myself is a bad decision because I can't make good choices anymore I don't know if I ever could.I lose more and more sleep everynight over this topic and I don't know what to do anymore.

Peace,

James