Sometimes It's Not Pretty. (Hourglass Session.)

But that's not my primary concern.

Some things are the cause of so much concern and trouble.
Some memories are so fundamental to the creation, prediction and expectation of who we are and will become as a human being that we will always remember them.
And some things will haunt us to the point where we can never forget.

Running away from events only becomes a problem when you realize that you're running.
And you realize what you're running away from.

Within all the forgotten memories and past events, I have never been comfortable in my own skin.
Truth be told, I've never truly known what I am, who I am.
The only thing I seem to know is why I am. And why I continue to be.
But this does not feel like this belongs to me.

In essence, my mind feels like it does not wish to be confined to this body. Or even, to one particular body. But to achieve sentience is currently impossible regarding current scientific advancement. And changing, adapting a body, still only results in it being one.
As a result, all that I'm left with is a series of masks.
Each one as fragile and as break-able as the last.

But here's the problem:
My masks are just the result of me running,
And now the masks have broken.
The consequence is that I've become aware that everything is just a mask, and I've become increasingly upset with the knowledge that masks have been used, that what is underneath is not a reflection of what I am portraying as I try to achieve personal acceptance.

And the only way to achieve a higher conciousness is to progress onto the next stage of existence.

The body will never match any picture, photograph, or paragraph.
Because the mind cannot paint a picture for something that it does not see with eyes, it cannot match the infinity of a single thought with words. My mind itself exists in a single plane trapped within a singular form. Bound by the laws of science and the creation of gods. If I could show you how I am, I would not need to, because I would be it.

I could put on another mask, one not made of glass, one that is not easy to break, and exchange masks on top of that, and the first mask, shall only serve to protect, not to create an image, because sometimes a mask is not pretty, but another mask is worn on that, to provide the aesthetically pleasing components.

I'm trapped in a place where I don't belong, but I can't escape and become free, all I can do is change the place to feel more comfortable, more like home. But, as long as I'm aware of it, it will never be what I want.
And I want to go to Zion, where ever that place may be.