The Drama Continues: Life is Not as Bad as All That

I realized, by the end of Saturday, I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I did the worst thing I could have done, and now my heart pays for it, every time I think of her, every time I text her, everything I do, I know it was a mistake. I hope it's not to late. I hope I didn't screw up too bad to go back and apologize. I know she still loves me, but... what will she think? That I'm to flitting, saying one thing, and then the next day going back and saying I'm wrong, it was wrong? If I do it again (i have already done it once) will she be too afraid I will do it again, and again? Am I too afraid I will do it again?
I broke up with her. I told My Mickey that I missed our friendship, and that I wanted it back, and I wanted to forget the weeks we had spent together as girlfriends... and it is true. All that is true. But I cant forget it. It happened, I was there. And now I know what it is. And now I know what it is to lose it. To leave it. And that hurt more than when I thought I could never see her again, when I thought mom wouldn't let me talk to her again. Because before I broke up with her, I knew we would always have that. Even if we didn't talk, even if we never saw each other again, we would always have our love.
But I broke up with her. We are allowed to talk, but it's not the same. I dint know where I stand with her. I don't know what we are.
By Saturday, she had told her mom. She told her mom so she(mom) would hear it from her(mickey), know the truth, and not hear it from my mom, and get half-truths. Our moms encouraged us to talk. I don't know why, but they did.
I still don't know what my punishment is, if I have one. Mickey doesn't want to talk about her home life, just said it was bad, but she knew it was coming. I wish I could hold her. I want to protect her from every cold stare, every harsh word. That was why I wanted her to be my girlfriend, so I could protect her, so she knew I was there for her to talk to, so I could help her. Then, when she needed someone there, when she would be going though the hardest part she had been though yet, I left her. I abandoned her. I left her for them to rip apart. She's tough. She's been though things like this before and made it though. But at the same time she's fragile. She can be hurt; and I'm afraid breaking up with her cause her hurt. That kills me.

That is why I feel awkward. That is why I don't feel like I can talk to you anymore. That is the whole reason Mickey. That is everything.

**If this doesn't make sense, that is because of extreme emotional distress and no time to edit.**