No, you DON'T have to read this if you don't want to.

The journal is designed for a certain person to write their deepest or spur-of-the-moment thoughts on paper, and let their emotions run free. To express to themselves and relive previous thoughts, actions, or memories that are bottled up inside that certain someone for either a long or short period of time. This journal is not meant to be relived. I will NOT write about the events of today that brought me down. I don't want to drag you down with me.

When someone calls you a name, whatever kind of harmful name it may be, you'd feel hurt, right? If someone thought less of you, or someone expressed hatred towards you, you can feel the negitave and mixed emotions running through your veins. Sometimes, one might even wish to break down and cry, just because one word hit the right spot.

Have you ever taken a class, or signed up for something, and realized it is one of (or possibly) the most difficult thing you've ever done? Ever taken an AP European History course in sophmore year? Well, if you have, you know how hard it is to memorize date, names, and documents in a college-level course when you're only in 10th grade. So, when you know you don't understand something, you're not going to understand it at all, or ever, and you're not going to do well when the topic comes up. But, when you know something so well, and you're the only one who knows it in a class of 15, your confidence level will be pretty high. (I know you think this is completely off the beated track of this journal entry, but, trust me, we're gettting there.) When you reach a certain peak of confidence, you feel... proud, and...accomplished, and you think you're finally going on the right track. You're in a state of happiness. Especially when you take on a task hands-on.

Debate in my class was never heard of, and when our teacher told us that we, the students, get to debate with each OTHER, we all panicked...except me. RULE #1- never panic; it will only get worse. (trust me). So, being confident (for once) about the chapter we're on, and the fact that nobody else knew what to do, I decided to say something at the beginnning of our debate yesterday. Nobody wanted to say anything first, and I really need a good grade. That being said, that class went very well, for me.

Well, I don't wish to explain the course my day took, or the emotions I felt with those three syllables blasting inside my head right now, but just think what you would do if you heard these words directed to you.

"You guys did pathetic."

If you think a teacher said this to us, you're wrong. If you think it was even in that class, then you're wrong, again. If you think I wasn't listening and couldn't care less, you're wrong, once again.

Blerina Mulkalari, sophmore suck-up of the 2012 graduating class. Albanian, to top it all off (I have NOTHING against albanians, except this one and every other jerk in my school that is). Just because her confidence level was high, too, she decided to shove mine as low as possible.

See, though, I don't think she meant it (and if she did, I'm only in denial). She is the type of person who doesn't think about what she says- she just says it, like word vomit. I don't believe she heard what she said, but she said it anyway, and it hurt me, and anyone reading this who HAS expreienced hurt like that before, you know how low I feel right now.

In school, I'm an "all-around" person: I don't listen to just one type of music, I don't wear just one style, I don't talk to just these people, etc. This means, that I befriend alot of people. Most of the time, I keep to myself, though, so I keep most of my thoughts to myself, too, unless someone asks. I'm also not the type to declare my emotions or thoughts to the world, so no one knows how I feel right now (except Jadakiss).

That is why I think the journal is the best friend someone could ever have- they'll always listen to you, and you don't have to travel across the country to find the right one for you.

Signed,
Allison D.