Behind The Screen

I read a lot. A really awful lot.
And everytime I come across with a nice story I always wonder how people come up with it.

If you happen to be stalking my mibba account you'll see that I have a lot of pornfics! Well, is not hard to imagine where all of those come from... :tehe:
Yesh, I'm a perverted psycho with a lot of imagination. But I like my stories to have a plot, so is not as easy as it sounds to come up with them.

Anyways, I have this story. Is This What You Always Wanted Me For?
My only chapter story (cause the other one is finished) and the other day I got a comment about it saying:
*sigh* I can feel your despair, honey....boys just plain suck at times.....*is mildly weirded out when she realizes she just directed that at a fictional character* (She was directing to Paula, the female lead)

Well... just all of you to know: She's not fiction. She exists. She is me.

Sometimes I'd like more people to read this story, cause it is hard to write and sometimes is decieving to see so little interest in something you put so much of you in. (And this applies I think not only to my fic, but to so many others that are amazing, but people loses intersting on keep writing cause no one comments!)
Half of the scenes on this fic really happened. Some of the conversations, the facts, the sex, the teasing, the fights... They did happen. And sometimes it gets really hard to remember those and write them down. Especially when I have to write them from my own point of view, mixing the things I said with the things I felt, which were completely opposite. Now that I'm writing this I realize how silly I was and at the same time I'm amazed at my own capacity of lying. Of shutting myself so deep that not even the person that knows me best can see what I'm feeling.

That person is my ex boyfriend. We were together for a little over 2 years and he was one of the 1st persons that knew me almost completely: I allowed myself to cry in front of him. But he found someone else and dumped me. After a lot of things happened, we found ourselves in a compromising relationship. When he started dating his actual girlfriend, they were together 24/7... then the whole class (he's my classmate) had to move to another city to start our internship meaning the girlfriend was now away. But I wasn't. One thing led ot another and, well, you can actually read what happened on the fic.
After we broke up, we really tried to stay as friends, but we always kept coming back at "more than friends" state. Right now, I don't even know what we are... but this has been happening for 1 year a half. No matter how many times we've said it's over, it keeps happening.
At first I wanted this as a revenge, then it was stupidity, then hornyness... now it's cause I don't have anyone better to do...

That's why I decided to write this. Cause no one close to us knows this and I could feel it choking me. Cause I've never said how I really felt. And I see this as a therapy to be able to see things from a different point of view. It has worked so far. I've learned that I don't love him and that I could never trust him again. But I still can't find enough strenght to get away for good. It sucks, but it's the way it is.

So this is my story behind the story.
Just to let you know where all of this came from.

I hope you keep reading!!! ^_^
May 26th, 2007 at 08:22am