Ok, here's how it is.

For all you out there who are trying to decipher my not-so-obvious signs, here is what is wrong with me.
For all of you who are simply journal stalking, have a little listen in on Aunty Ashleigh's current state of affairs.

We are broke. Broke as people can be. Bankrupt you could say.
The only reason we even have any electricity and internet, is because we are selling everything.
Gone are the fish, gone is the computer desk, gone is my playstation, games etc. Gone. Gone. Gone.
We have no money for Christmas. That will be fun.

I am currently freaking out over the impending doom, otherwise known as exams. I don't think I can do it.

I have gone to school without lunch for the past two weeks and avoided my friends so that they would not notice.

I have lost faith in my father, I don't think he cares about me anymore. I have had no contact from him in the last three weeks, although I have sent him two e-mails. One even telling him that I won awards at school. (You would think that would be incentive enough to call)

We have no phone line. We can only receive calls, not make them. I have no credit on my phone to text my father, or any of my friends.

My grandmother is dying. Right as we speak. And I have no emotion left to feel sad. None.
She is 102 and she is on morphine. People at that age do not survive morphine. Trust me.

I don't have any money to buy presents for the Secret Santa that I organised, and I am too afraid to tell my friends about it, as I don't want to be looked down on, nor do I wan't false sympathy.

I feel like I am losing some of my best friends.
I am hurt and afraid, and I don't know what else there is for me to do.
I am not strong anymore, I can't handle all of this.