Warning: Pessimism and hardcore emo moments. You have been warned.
Honestly, I'm usually an optimistic person. Well, I guess you'd say I'm half and half. I'm generally always optimistic when it comes to other people's lives and - for the most part - my own, too. But I always have my "I'm going to fail this assignment" moments; usually the day the assignment is due. But after I pass it in, I feel more confident.
Taking AP chemistry was a mistake. I'm taking a lot of classes I thought I would be able to do (AP English 11, AP chemistry, pre-calculus, Spanish 4 honors, AP U.S. history and standard world history) but I held way too high expectations of myself last year.
1: The only teacher that teaches AP English for grade eleven is a teacher I strongly dislike; I knew he was last year, too. I had him sophomore year. What's wrong with me!?
2: Even though I'm pretty good at chemistry, AP is way too hard. Again I ask, what's wrong with me!
3: History is probably my favorite subject ever. I love learning it, I've always gotten good grades... But two classes - one being an AP - is one too many.
I should've listened to my friends when they told me it'll be too much. They believed in me, yeah, but they didn't want to hear me complain about how much work it was, either. I don't blame them; I feel bad for bitching to them when it's my own fault. I still do it, though, without even noticing.
Regarding the title... I'm convinced that I cannot pass chemistry. The teacher is just an overall d-bag, not that great at his job, and I'm just not as great at chemistry as I thought I was. So far, my test grades have been 98% (I was so proud!), 82%, 34%, 47%, 51%, 70% and 14%. We have two quizzes between every test and the highest grade I got on a quiz was a 62%. I did good the first two tests and randomly one of the last ones, but the others... I don't even know.
I don't understand anything anymore. I can't pay attention, either. I've actually fallen asleep in that class. I really have no idea how I managed! :/ I never fall asleep in school.
Just a few minutes ago, I had a talk with my dad because my report cards come out sometime the beginning of next week. He asked me how I was doing and I said pretty good, aside from chemistry. He's in love with science, especially biology. He's really good at chemistry; he just doesn't like it as much. He helps me as much as he can, but all he can help me on is homework. I still don't understand it, though.
I've stayed after every Wednesday and Thursday before a test (which is always on a Friday) and sometimes I'd even see him Friday morning before school started if he was there. I ask my dad for extra help, too, and I can't grasp it.
Usually I would be able to drop the class. The only problem is, it's too late to. The deadline was a week after my second test! I was doing great then, so I thought I could still do it. I'm an idiot, so... Now the only way to get out is to fail out. I'm going to try as hard as I can and pay attention even more and ask more questions. It's just aggravating, you know?
It's my own fault, though. I was just thinking more of how I could show off to my friends for being all smart and shit. Yeah, I'm so smart.
x.
PS - Here is my outfit from today. I love it! :)
Also, I found 107 cans of tuna. Guess how many were expired? Four.
Dad, I can't do it. I just cannot do it. Accept it. [I had a wicked cute outfit today. Wanna see?]
November 14th, 2009 at 03:24am