A fleeting moment.

I'm torturing myself, blaming myself.
I tell myself that it's all my fault, and that I just did something wrong.
I never blamed you, I've always stuck up for you.
Even after the nightmares.
I thought that if I did this, you would still love me.
That you would still accept me.
That you would forgive me for telling.

but right now, I know that none of that will happen.
You don't love me.
and if you did, things wouldn't be the way they are now.
None of it's my fault, and I did nothing wrong.
It was you.

These thoughts will soon pass.
And I will go back to thinking the way I did.
All because re-living that night over and over again in my nightmares
refreshes it all
it makes me sad all over again.
and I am taking small steps.
to regain the happiness I had before
But they are small
and it will take me longer than I would hope.
I know that right now, but will I know that tomorrow?