troubles

My father is a drunk and he is constantly bitching at me. I want nothing to do with him. My life would be better without him. I dont understand why he does this to me. He knows he cant drink but yet he does anyway. I dont know why he keeps drinking knowing that every drink he takes is slowly killing him inside. He can be abusive while he drinks and has thrown things and me and pushed me. This actions are causing me to realeese my pain by cutting myself. I have also lost 3 close family member in the last 3 years so my life is really hard.

I had began cutting myself about 9 months ago when i had found out that my father had started drinking again after he was in the hospital for it. It has only been recently that the cuts have gotten deeper and i want to end my life from all the pain that I feel. My father says that I am his world but yet he is still drinking making me feel useless.