Too much Pain.

I can’t. I can’t stay here. It’s too much hurt. Too much pain.
It just hurts too bad. I hate emotions. They’re useless to me. Always have been. They get in the way of… well, of everything. And the fact that I feel this bad from emotions, it kills me.
I want to be hurt. Actually, physically hurt. The only kind of real hurt, if you ask me. I want to be raped, beaten, anything, just so this pain has a reason.
And to me it's all I deserve. I'm not good enough for anything and I'm useless to everyone.
I need out of here. I don't care if to everyone else I'm running away from my problems. To me I'm healing.
And I tell you what, there is No healing here. I won't be able to begin to be better until I'm away... far, far away.