Leggo My Eggo-Secret, KTHNXBYE. (...Help!)

I really, really should be doing my English Booktalk right now. It's the only thing that's going to bump up my mark, but I'm just so bored, it's rainy outside, I'm staring at a jar of pennies and feeling as if life can't get any more boring.

So, pretty much, I'd like to express my frustration for nosey friends.

Sometimes, people just want to keep things to themselves and best friends, right? Sometimes, it's nice to have some peaceful and confidential discussion about things.

But noooo.

The moment I start talking about 'Waffle' with my two best friends, another girl that sits with us at lunch time immediately shushes everyone and says 'BE QUIET I'M TRYING TO EAVESDROP.'

I think I should start from the beginning, here.

This friend...Let's just call her 'The Mouth', mm'kays?

Well, 'The Mouth', to begin with, is already pretty much the most annoying person on Earth. I like her, yes, she's fun to be around, but sometimes...I just want to explain that the little bubble that everyone has is not to be penetrated every two seconds.

A lot of people don't like her. Even my friends sometimes don't like her, because,

a) She's nosey.
b) She's LOUD. We've already had exactly five complaints from the librarians that we're being too loud and they can hear us all the way inside. It's mostly because of The Mouth.
c) She abuses people. Like my best friend, Jammies, who can't exactly slap her in the face 'cause Jammies is a guy.

I pretty much always have to tell her to back off when she starts hitting Jammies for no reason. And no, it's not playful slapping or anything. It's scratching (she never cuts her nails), kicking in the shins, slaps to the face, and face palming.

And when Jammies tells her to stop, she doesn't. And I pretty much have to get up in her face and tell her to GO AWAY.

The hitting has been going on for about half a year already. And she still doesn't stop.

Now about Waffle.

I have a tendancy to name eye candies and/or crushes after food. And Waffle is the most recent one.

Seriously, I run through eye candies like Kleenex. Not in a slutty way. Heck, the exact opposite. I don't even make an effort to talk to them or flirt with them O_O And half the time, the eye candies are just guys I randomly pass in the hallways that I think are sorta-kinda cute.

Yes, Waffle is the most recent crush. This time it's actually a for-real crush; he's not just some guy that I see in the hallways. I have classes with him, we talk, and he's extremely nice. I swear, not a single person hates him. At all. Or even dislikes him.

But anyway...

The Mouth keeps asking about Waffle. She even went as far as to challenge me to a game of two-on-two soccer. If she wins, I have to answer five questions on Waffle. If she loses, she leaves me and my past/present/future eye candies alone.

It's stupid, isn't it?

I can't have any peace and quiet with my best friends whatsoever, because The Mouth keeps approaching us whenever I open my mouth and the word 'Waffle' comes out. Even when I tell her to go away, she keeps coming back, with a stupid smile on her face, and she can't get it into her head that I don't want her to know about him.

Yes, I am aware that maybe she thinks it's unfair that I'm telling Jammies and Mustard (other best friend) about Waffle, and not her.

But we hang out with four other people, and they don't seem to have much of a problem with not knowing about Waffle.

Why can't I tell her and get it over with? I've known Jammies and Mustard for eight years now. I only met The Mouth last year, and it wasn't on a good impression, either. And I also don't want to spill because Waffle is a serious crush. It's not something that comes and goes in two days. And because The Mouth has a reputation for spilling anything and everything, you can imagine my concern for keeping Waffle a secret.

Let me recount about what happened last year...

If you've read my other journal, you'll understand that some creepy guy had a crush on me.

I wanted to keep pretending that I didn't know that he liked me, so he wouldn't be urged to ask me out or something. I literally melt and freak out in awkward love/like situations. And The Mouth knew that. I even asked her not to say anything.

But this so-called friend of mine, The Mouth, shouted down the entire A-Section hallway,

"____ LIKES YOU!"

The blank being the person's name. (I don't want to be sued for illegal internet use of names or whatever.)

The Mouth keeps asking me why I don't tell her. I give her a number of reasons, the main one being that she can't keep her mouth shut.

She asked me to prove when she had ever leaked anything, and I pointed out the above scenario.

You know what she said?

She told me 'I didn't tell anyone. I was talking to you.'

And I just...I freaked out. I said, 'Right, talking to me means shouting '____ LIKES YOU' for everyone in the hallway to hear.'

I'm not exaggerating. She shouted it. She screamed it.

Hence why I don't tell her any secrets.

Can anyone offer any good advice to tell her to stop being so nosey? One that I haven't tried already?