Depression

For the past while, I've been in a deep depression. Not just, Oh, I'm so sad I had an argument with a friend, but I'm thinking about suicide. I have a disorder called Fibromyalgia, where, along with wide spread pain, I'm depressed.

I'm afraid to tell, because then maybe they will send me to a mental hospital or put me on pills, and that will not make me feel any better. I don't have really anyone I can trust not to do that. I want to solve this on my own.

I think the problem is I do have a purpose to live. I've even questioned what it would take to make it a good enough purpose. Right now, I feel like a waste of space. I wonder what would have happened if I had never been born. My brother may get more attention from my parents, helping him deal with autism. My friends would not have been impacted.

If I find a reason to live, it might compel me to do so.

Help? Have any of you been in depression? What did you do to cope? Are pills and therapy that bad?