Guilt with a Mix of Sadness

I feel so depressed at the moment about how people treat others and how this world works. I wish I could just shut my eyes and forget everything I know without caring a tiny bit. As a whole, this world seems horrible to me.

I am also feeling depressed about how others perceive me. I feel that everyone always sees me as a retard, even when they haven't said anything about being retarded. I just feel that way. I guess it's because of how my old "friends" used to treat me for a few years, and I began thinking of myself as a retard. They talked to me in a very odd, retarded voice as if they were mocking me. They'd also asked questions about whether I shaved "down there," whether my mom receives food stamps or not, and a ton of other strange, downgrading questions. Stupidly enough, I told the truth for most of them. I really feeling uncomfortable with lying about myself, even when the truth hurts. I probably deserved what they did to me, anyways, for being that stupid.

I also feel very guilty for feeling so depressed, because people have it way worse than me. I could be in the middle of the rainforest with my head half-eaten by ants right now, but I am instead in my warm, comfortable room typing on my laptop. I've always felt guilty about feeling bad about whatever, but sometimes I cannot help it.

I guess that's it. Just needed a bit of ranting time. It helped a bit. =/
November 29th, 2009 at 10:06am