How Do You Let Go?How Do You Forgive?

I grew up not knowing who my father really was and sometimes I wish I never did know. But then again I'm glad that I do know.The first time I asked about my father was when I was ten years old. I was laying on the floor in the computer room with my mom and I suddenly thought about who my dad was. So I looked up at my mom and I quietly mumbled 'will you tell me about my dad'. My mom told me that she had gotten pregnant in college with this guy at a party. And that after I was born my mom took me to see him but when she did he rejected her and me. He denied that I was his child. Leaving my mother as a single parent. At that point I had another question. It is the stereotypical question that most kids in my situation ask. I asked my mom why my dad didn't want me and then I did the worst thing ever. I burst into tears. I don't think since that day I have ever been the same.

Still to this day the thought of my father makes me cry.It hurts even more when I see friends who have both their parents. Not that I am disappointed with just having my mom because I am definitely not. I always wonder why I can't just let go of that. Why can't I forgive him? Why does it cause me so much pain? I tear myself apart for someone who doesn't even notice my existence. All I want is someone to help me let all of this go. The pain, the tears. Everything. I just want to move on.