Life..

Well, I hoped I would never be sitting here writing this.. But I am and that sucks so bad.

I told myself I would only write something like this if I was close to breaking,, and guess what?
I am! Whata surprise!!

The guy I like so much likes my mate..
My mates aren't getting on so well..
Everyone's being bitches..
Someone I care about alot is hours away..
Someone else I care about,, I shouldn't..

My life has changed so much over the years.
It was carefree, I was happy. I remember the days when I didn't worry about what I looked like to people, didn't care that about what people thought of me cause as far as I was concerned, If they didn't like it they could get fucked.
I was so happy,, until I changed inside and outside.. Not so much how I was towards my friends, just everything else.
I don't let people see how I really feel,, I never have but I need to.
I need to tell the guy I like that I do actually like him and that I'm not just here to flirt with until someone better comes along. I need to tell those I care about that I love them and they mean the world to me. I need to explain to my mates that they need to sort out their shit cause it's tearing me apart aswell. I need to sort myself out so I don't become some loose unit and have a meltdown in public, which almost happened.

I need alot of things to get things back to normal.

What I really need to do is move on but I really don't think I can cause that guy? Yeah he acted like he liked me.. called me babe, told me he wished he was with me and so much more that is so not appropriate for now..
I want to show him what he will miss out on if he doesn't pick me,, but how can I do that when I don't believe he will miss out on anything??

I need help..
Tell me what I need to do..
I cannot talk about this in person,,
I just cant!

Well I think I'll stop and expect more from me soon
Xox