Number

I am simply a number in the government's computer file. Everything I do is calculated as a statistic. I am nothing but a number to the rest of the world. I am nothing.

I am at the point where I don't want to wake up in the morning. In class I just sit there, not bothering to pay attention because even when I do I still don't understand any of the material. Besides I don't see myself graduating high school. What's the point of trying?

Life is so planned out for everyone, and I hate it. We go to school for 10 to 18 years of our lives and from there we get jobs to pay bills, have families, get old, and die. Ten years after you die NO ONE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU EVER EXISTED! Isn't life so exciting?

My house is a mess. It's run down by four unruly children who all need a good beating. They're loud, disobey, and only think of themselves. My mother is stressed out to the point where it's affecting her physical health. My father is a bully who adds more fuel to this fire that I call my home. All he cares about is his appearance to the outside world. I stay and waste away in my room, out of the chaos. I hope when the fire is enraged it consumes me and takes me away from it all.

The best to describe myself as people in the world see me is annoying. I'm weird, sometimes too shy, sometimes I can't be quiet, I never make any sense, and I'm just so damn pathetic. No one really likes me and I can tell by how they cast those looks at me. Most of my "friends" don't really care for me. I know they see me as the one who needs to go elsewhere. Point the direction and I will gladly go.

I hold no trust in anyone. When I tell one person something they go and whisper it to someone else. It doesn't matter if it's friends, family, or my boyfriend. They're never going to be there when I need them so why bother trying to use them as a person to hold on to?

If your reading this and want to disagree with me, saying that I have everything to live for let me describe myself so that you'll understand why I'm a waste of space.

I cut, but I've never bled.
I hardly eat meals, but I eat tons of junk. I try to be ultra thin, but I'm a fat ass.
I try to be a vegetarian, but I want meat.
I dress like I'm "punk", but I don't look the part.
I feel like I'm bi, but I'm not attracted to a lot of other girls. Or ever dated one.
I hate people who fake anything, but I'm the biggest fake alive.

Putting in black and white finally; this number wants to be deleted.