Beginning of life crisis?!

So I'm 18... I'm in college, and I am officially ready to kick off my college years with fabulous fun! But there's a problem... Well, actually, there's many problems...

A.) I go to a Community college, no dorm buddies in sight to help me out.
B.) I went to a high school where I hated pretty much everyone and I had almost nothing in common with anyone I actually did like...

So, my social life is a complete and total disaster.

I used to be omg, outgoing, but after a few things that happened within the family, about sixth grade, all that was completely cut out of my life.

For the past six years I've been:
-Socially awkward and inept
-A people pleaser
-A Push over
-Not so Feminine
-And over all someone I don't want to be.

But now, I'm ready to face a new me. A me who can be a social butterfly, someone not so awkward and up tight, I'm still in the works of not caring about what everyone else thinks, I don't want to be walked all over anymore and so much more.

But I'm finding that really hard to do.
I feel like I'm in the wrong place, that I just need to get out, because obviously Texas is not where I'm going to find my mix.
But with empty pockets, I'm reduced to staying until I get out of college... I'm not sure if I can last that long!

I love to sing, so I've joined the school choir which is almost non-existent.
But that's not the type of music I really want to create.
I want to be an alternative rock singing queen.

Problems?
-I'm not very good at writing lyrics
-I don't know any musicians that aren't already in a band
-I'm not in the right area!!!

Other than that, I'm insecure about my weight, I'm working on loosing it, it's just coming very slowly.

I have signed up for exercise classes in college, and I'm not eating as much, and once I get into the routine at the college, I know that I'll be able to increase that routine and do it at home too.

It's just hard because I live with five other people who buy and eat whatever they want, so it's hard to resist the temptation of food.

I'm 211 LBS by the way, although, the weight, although it isn't place in the most beautiful way, it is still not badly placed, I mean, I think I look better than a lot of other people my weight/size. So that's a plus.

But my ideal weight is somewhere around 126-164 LBS
I want to drop, in total, at least 50 - 70 LBS
Needless to say, I'm considered obese.

I've thought about going on reality television shows like MADE to get what I want, but I don't want to be plastered all over MTV... Eff that...

So I'm going pretty much solo...

I'm also having trouble finding myself.
I'm eighteen, and I want to go out and have fun without worrying about finding myself.

I'm in the prime of my life! I'm young and restless. And not to mention ADHD...
I know who I want to be, I just don't know who I'm supposed to be.
And I don't want to deal with that, who wants to deal with that, I mean, eventually I'll probably run into something about myself that I don't want to face, like I already have.

I want to fulfill my dream of being in a band and making it big... But I'm afraid that's not what I was meant to do, like I could never do that.
But I don't want to give up on it completely before I even have a chance to try it.
I don't want to be a 9 to 5 worker with a job that I know I will always hate but stick with it just to get a good pay and day dream about the things I never got to do in life...

I'm an artsy person, with a mind that has great potential to be so effing creative. (Although, creativity seems to be a little blocked)
I would like to believe that my fate will be in something that I love, but I'm not all too sure anymore...

I don't know what to do.
There is so little time to break away from this place and do want I want to do if only for a short time...

I feel so limited where I am...

I feel so uneasy about where I'm going...

Advice would be awesome right now... I just need a little bit of a pick-me-up... A pep talk, maybe...

Well, that's my rant. Hope you had fun peeping into my life, just a little bit. =]