Seriously...

I love you. Possibly the three best words any person could hear but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never heard it except from friends or family. I don’t know love. There’s never been a guy. A prince charming. Fuck, not even a knight. Like… really why does it seem so hard? I knew someone who broke up with her boyfriend and two seconds later she’s with someone else and people are saying that she didn’t cheat on the first guy, she would never do that. Fuck that. Something must have happened because really, who does something shitty like that? Seriously

Like high school... that one guy... yeah right. Not happening... never going to happen. Move on dumbass! Seriously... You’re fat. Ugly. Fucking glasses and acne. He’s not. Football player. Funny. People like him. Sure you have your friends and you thought he was one too. Screw him. You grew up. You lost weight, got contacts, and you’re stylish. Give college a shot.

Fuck college.

Guys are just as immature and stupid as they were in high school. Seriously it can never be a straight answer to anything. It’s always beat around the bush let’s get shit faced and not remember our weekends except for that hot pussy we got. Really? That’s what you want? Fine you’ve lost all respect from me.

Nineteen and never been kissed. Never been on a date. Fuck my life. People always say ‘you don’t want a boyfriend it’s too much drama too much to worry about’. FUCK YOU! You’re not single, you haven’t been single in awhile, you don’t fucking know what it’s like. You can talk to me about your boyfriend no problem. Issues? Sure. But when you fucking mention him every fucking five minutes NOT OKAY. Get the fuck over it. So he didn’t text you within two minutes on a regular school day. He’s probably in fucking class and has his phone on silent asshole. Seriously. Get the fuck over yourself and care about other people’s lives for one minute.

I’m fucking sick and tired of all this shit. I just want that one guy I can go to and have him hug me and kiss me and love me for me. For who I am. It doesn’t help that the one guy I feel like I’d truly have a connection for is famous and gorgeous and talented when all I have in life that I truly care about is a fucking camera. He’s had girlfriends. Famous girlfriends. He has what is seemingly the perfect life. The perfect career with the perfect fans and the perfect family that I’ll most likely never be a part of. There will only be three lucky girls in this world for him and his brothers. One has already been found. Two left. I want to be one of those two. Yeah right. Get your head out of the fucking clouds and think of something real that will actually happen. Dad always says ‘you never know you do have a connection to meet them’. Yeah okay dad I love you but seriously I don’t think it can ever happen.

I just want to be happy and feel like someone really cares about me without being obligated to love me…