i just realized how screwed up my life is.

I know you're supposed to appreciate life and all. And I know I don't have it the worst. But when you come to the disgusting realization that it's pretty bad, it's hard to appreciate anything. Am I right? When you realize your life sucks, you don't think about how bad anyone else has it. In fact, you like to be anyone else.
I don't like being the one to mope around and complain about everything. I like being the peppy one who has nothing to hide.
But lately, I can't do that. I've been hiding everything from everyone. Right now, I'm a big walking lie. And I don't want to be that.
This isn't one of those "my life sucks and I want to die" entries. I'm just getting everything off my chest now. Because I can't keep bottling it up.
Here it goes...

I just got my heart broken. The cause? My brother and sister. Apparently, they didn't like us being together. So they pretty much brainwashed him into breaking up with me. We were best friends before, and now I can't even look at his face. He says it's best for the friendship. Coward or martyr? You tell me.
And get this. Now he expects me to accept all the blame. Meanwhile, he was the one who started it in the first place.
And yet somehow I'm still in love with him.
In school, everything's fine. Except that one after another, my friends want to kill themselves.
Home sweet home. Yeah right. My parents have been divorced for the last fourteen years. Whenever they see eachother, its World War III.
My dad's done a lot for me. He helped me through my dyslexia and has given me so much. But lately, things are going down the drain. He expects me to be an A+++ student and go to Cornell on scholarship. He expects me to be a bigshot writer or a bigheaded smartass whatever. I mean, know he wants me to be happy, but right now he's trying to pull my brain out his ass or something. Maybe I'm not as smart as the twins. Accept it.
My dream is to own a horse farm in upstate New York. That's the only thing that keeps me from going on a wild rampage, is that I know every day is bringing me slightly closer to that dream.
Except that my mother is trying to control my life. She's bipolar and she's denying it. She wants me to be a vet. But she's sabotaging my life so that she doesn't have to pay for my college. She's cheap as hell. She thinks that I should be a vet just so that she can get discounts when she makes a visit. But guess what? I'm going to college for my dreams, not for her wallet. Money doesn't grow on trees, yeah. But if it did, it would rot because she would save too much of it for too long.
And those twins. They just want to ruin my life. They've made it their personal goal to see me miserable and crying every day. And yet still they expect me to give them free horse rides when I finally own that farm.
But I'm just waiting patiently for the day I finally pack my bags and go off to college, and get away from all of this.