Do you have a reason to be here?

Experience is something that comes into everyone’s life with time, and is incredibly valuable. But it is only valuable if you know how to use it properly. George Bernard Shaw said, “We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.” That being said, I agree that many people don't grab the opportunity that experience gives us. It almost seems like everything they work for in their friendships and relationships are a huge waste of time at the end of everything.

You’ll see time and time again that in today’s social society; relationships are more or less a joke. Often, they are just ways to get ahead of the game. Most times, the relationship dynamic in teen years is nothing more but a fling. And flings are doomed to end in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, a growing trend with teens is the way of jumping from one person to the next. This only shows that with experience, it looks as though we do not learn anything. We never really reflect on past relationships and instead are urged to move along with the next stage in our life. We go out looking for another partner almost as soon as we’re over our heartbreak from relationships past. Do we analyze where things went wrong? Do we change our habits in the future partners we might pursue? There’s no question that some do. But most don’t. I see girls in particular repeat a cycle of the same kind of boyfriends. Girl dates guy. Guy isn’t so nice. Guy is a bad boy. Girl likes that though. Guy dumps girl for much more scantily clad girl. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Girl never takes that experience seriously and never implements change.

Guys are subject to this with girls as well though. They do fall for the girl that isn’t so into them. They get hurt. They fall again. They keep digging their grave deeper. The same old wheel keeps on turning, but never gets to hit the ground to go anywhere. We’re stuck in mid-air.

But why do any of us fall for these same old stories? Think of it this way: While there are considerable amounts of downtime and heartbreak between the relationships, and sometimes even during them, there are always moments worth it all. Moments that we can reflect back on and smile about it. We take that experience. We don’t learn anything from it. But at least it gets us through the day.

A friend of mine once held up a piece of paper to me that read, “Do you have a reason to be here?” To that I only shrugged. She then asked, on that same piece of paper, “Do you need one?”

We’re always looking for that reason to be here. Be in the moment. When we have no reason, things become turmoil. Yet, experience would tell us that we survived long before we had even found some sort of reason in the first place. The correct answer to my friend’s “Do you need a reason to be here?” is simply, no.

But it’s also this strong desire to hold on to these memories of past relationships and to make them reality again that makes us want that reason. I think that even in friendships gone awry we consider the pros and cons of the memories. We remember the times we felt used and wasted. We remember the times we put up with boring parties, littered with people who were all at least twenty years older than you. We remember when you couldn’t get a single hello when passing our friend on the street. Yes. We do remember the shit that they put us through. And the long nights where your mind couldn’t stop racing. But what makes it all worth it are the times where you swore you’d be friends forever. And the first time you told each other you wanted to be best friends. And the crazy feeling you both got in a room of sweating teenagers, all moving and screaming out what some call music.

But we do have to learn from experience. While we hold onto those memories, we need to also remember the bad ones. We can’t make the good memories a reality again. You need to tell yourself you deserve better. You need to learn from experience. And move on. Even if it seems like you could be wrecking a really good thing. Scratching an open wound only makes it worse. Learn from the pain, get yourself to your own personal hospital and get yourself stitched up. The painkiller called time can only do so much for you.

-J