Over a year ago, I had a massive argument with my friends which resulted in them blanking me. It completely destroyed all of my self confidence and since then, I've constantly worried about my looks and my weight.
After the first few months after breaking up friends with them, I always talking about how I thought I was "fat" but I never did anything about it, I just continued eating like I normally did. I didn't really take notice about the fact I was overweight at the time, I was around 9 stone.
The first time I actually did something about my weight was when I became friends with Jenny.M, Jenny.D and Katy in May. They were all much much skinnier than me so I was always comparing myself to them. I started to jog up and down the garden as a way to lose some weight, I carried on eating the same things so I didn't notice much of a difference. However, my legs were a lot more muscular.
In June/July, I cut down on the amount of food I ate and started trampolining in my garden once a day. That was when I first started noticing a difference in my size, my stomach had shrunk slightly and my legs were still chunky but a lot more flexible.
During the summer holidays, I ate a lot less and I was exercising everyday by swimming because I went on holiday, it was then that my family started taking notice that I'd lost some weight but they were happy for me, especially my nan because she likes to keep healthy as well.
After the summer holidays I joined the gym and went for an hour every Monday and Thursday. As well as this, I played squash twice a week with my mum. I did increase the amount I ate because I needed a lot of energy and I had a massive bowl of breakfast every morning.
I have lost a bit of weight recently because I have been ill but I haven't been going to the gym and I stopped playing squash because my mum had something else she needed to do on the days we played. I don't usually eat breakfast on school days because I never have the time. I looked at some pictures my cousin took from last April when me and my brother stayed with her. In one of the photos I'm holding a pizza (how typical?) and I'm on the computer, I can't believe how unhealthy I look, you can see it in my skin.
So, onto the actual matter. The other day I was getting ready in the morning and I went into my mums bedroom to borrow one of her waist belts. A few weeks ago I punctured a hole into the belt because it didn't fit me because I'm much slimmer than my mum. The belt was much looser on me than when I last wore it. My mum noticed and said "Isobelle, you're becoming anorexic, I'll have to take you to the doctors and they'll send you to a hospital where you will be fed through a tube", I was slightly taken aback by the comment and I said "Mum, I'm not becoming anorexic, my friends are much skinner than me and everyone says I'm fine" and she said "Yes, but all of your friends are much too skinny themselves and you have lost too much weight lately". I must admit, she did scare me a bit because I really don't want to go to the doctors, the doctor would say I'm fine anyway because I am a healthy weight. My mum is worried because of the amount of weight I've lost in a short period of time. So, she said that I'm not allowed to lose anymore weight or she will take me to the doctors.
Also, we went out the other day with my mum's friend and her children and my mum started going on about the fact that I am becoming too skinny, it was really embarrassing because it wasn't their business and she was telling them. I kind of think my mum expected me to be the same size as she was when she was younger. I've seen the pictures of when she was my age and she was a lot bigger than me.
I weighed myself a few weeks ago and at 5"1" I am 7 stone and 9lbs which I know is a healthy weight. I don't want to be skinny as my friends because I have curves which I would hate if they went and I also want to keep my boobs. I do get annoyed when one of my friends goes on about her mum thinking she's anorexic, I'm not really surprised that he mum thinks that because she's taller than me and like half a stone lighter and she barely ever eats. She's really pale as well.
So anyway, I'm sorry about this journal being so long. I didn't plan it to be. I actually typed all of this out and I clicked "Preview" and it said I had to sign in again so I had to type out the journal ALL again. It is very irritating. I'd like to hear your thoughts on the whole weight issue thing, so please comment :)
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